Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Something atypical for my 111th post.

I've never, NOT EVER enjoyed watching them.

As my pal Ron could tell you, soccer is obviously very big right now.

When I was in Grade One, I enjoyed PLAYING soccer. I still like playing (albeit without skill) bowling, badminton, darts, pool, curling, and suchlike. Well, for the Wii.

But watching them. Huh. I can barely recall being, probably, I dunno, young (six?) and eating some unpleasant cookie (a fig newton?) and trying to care about a hockey game my divorced father was watching on his TV. For his sake.

I also recall, with greater clarity, being hit painfully in the shoulder blade with a puck at one of my step-brother's hockey games. I was IN THE STANDS!

Clearly, I have issues. And I'm still every inch the swotty geek with his nose in a book.

Even my favorite sports movie barely has sports. It's 'Off The Mark' (or 'Crazylegs' as it is known in my homeland. Make that mostly UNknown.). It is a reprehensible and awesome little piece of 1987 comedy bordering on soft-core ostensibly set during a triathalon. Like 'Airplane II' only with sports. Also, 'Necessary Roughness' had Dr. Sam Beckett in it.

I can't even really hold my attention to the Olympics.

All I can think during soccer is... is it female topless soccer? Is it some deadly cross between lacross and discus fought by computer programs in the domain of the malevolent MCP? Or female topless TRON-discus? No?

Then I'm sorry to say it doesn't warm the cock...les of my heart.

Although, sports clearly make other people happy and I hate feeling left out...


(That's for my father-in-law.)

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