Thursday, May 31, 2007


Oh, 2007, the summer of threes is upon thee.
I know I said I'd comment on Spidey this Sunday back when this Sunday was, like three Sunday's ago. So sue me. And send She-Hulk with the summons. Seriously, why will nobody get on that?
My lovely live-in girlfriend and fiance did not care for Spidey and Shrek to the same extent I did, but then I didn't love Pirates as much as she. So we're even. Also, she's a better person than I am generally, so maybe we're not even.
I liked them all, I did. Buuuut... Shrek 3? Not better than Shrek 2. Spidey 3? Not better than Spidey 2.
Worse? I guess that would follow, wouldn't it? Not MUCH worse... or is that damning with faint praise? Shrek is fun. Funny, light-hearted. Loved Merlin. Enjoyed the new princesses. Felt bad for Arthur, loathed Charming, y'know a solid 3 stars of 4. Just a wonderful premise and Will Stieg would probably be as surprised as anyone that you could squeeze THREE movies out of his tiny, tiny, itsy-bitsy book. Does Shrek 4 seem like a good idea? I assure you it does not. Slightly weaker than Shrek 2 is a VERY good sign that you should now pat yourselves on the back and try something new.
But, good gravy, they're talking about THREE MORE movies! How the heck is THAT gonna work? Shrek turned the fairy tale on its head in good-natured satirical grouchiness. The OGRE is the HERO, and his beautiful true love... ALSO an ogre. Shrek 2 continued to make the good guys loathsome and traditional bad guys into our underdogs. Confusingly, Shrek 3 has bad guys as the bad guys and good guys as the good guys. At some point, they must have forgotten what they were rebelling against.
Now what, pray tell, is Shrek 4 going to be about? The meanderings of ogre babies and dragon-donkey fusion babies (drunkeys, I likes to call 'em)? How about Shrek 5? Lord Farquad's Revenge? Or will Arthur take over as the hero? In which case is this even a Shrek movie anymore?
No sir.
Now Spidey 3 on the other hand, I loved. I did. It's no Spidey 2, but so few things are. This movie suffered only from trying to satisfy director, fans, and producers with a villain EACH. Somehow, in a comic like say, Infinite Crisis, you can have 30 heroes and 30 villains and yet still move me with the heart of the story in the midst of chaos.
But in a comic movie, somehow, this has yet to happen.
I know Venom fans who think Venom sucked, but I was not a big enough fan to feel this way. Venom is a one-note villain who was handled (for my money) even BETTER than he deserved. Sandman fans... WHAT Sandman fans? Seriously, this guy is a one-noter in the comics also, but on screen I enjoyed him immensely.
And Harry? What can I say. In the comics he went mad as well, Goblin-ed up and fought Peter half-heartedly, but in the end he got counselling, married, and had a kid who grew up to be a good guy, too (in some universes I could mention). But here? The poor guy dropped further and arced higher than I'd seen in the funny books and I was GLAD to see him as a hero and DEEPLY saddened at his death. Kudos. (How come Spidey didn't try to rush him to a hospital though? At the end, you know. He and MJ just think: oh he's been mortally wounded redeeming himself, and it's sunrise so he's DEFINITELY beyond help so we won't even try. (Poetic license and all, I'm just bein' a dink.)
Adding the Staceys was a head scratcher since they lived to the end. In some ways I see the value of their cameos instead of "Random New Threat to MJ girl" and "Random Cop Guy".
But finally a line of Stan Lee's makes the cut! Thanks, guys. And thanks to Bruce Campbell, Simmons, and both Raimiseses. Nice work all. Amazing trilogy, Just superb. Well done.
BUT WAIT! They wanna make more?
And why wouldn't they? They're rolling in the cash-a-roo. If I was them I'd make those movies until I was rich enough to buy countries and get a full-time staff of butt-kissers. And buy a flying car.
But I guess the difference between us is that I'd make a She-Hulk movie next. And a Captain Marvel movie (the DC Captain Marvel, not the Marvel Captain Marvel.) Concrete? Dreadstar? Sandman? Fables? Young Avengers? Ant-Man? The list goes on.
I'm saying give Spidey a rest for a decade or two. He done good. Don't drive these concepts on beyond adequate. The audience won't take it forever. Just look at Star Trek... oh, who am I kidding? I'll watch Star Trek 12 or Spidey 8: Arachno-Disco until my eyes fall out and my lady leaves me and I sit in an alley wearing a tinfoil hat telling my opinions to a stray cat.
But I don't have to like it.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Gonna Buy DC's 52 in the trades

Hi kids
Me again. Bet you forgot I had a blog or more likely never heard of me or my stupid blog. But I bet you heard of DC comics' best thing ever, 52, right? No? See, Waid, Johns, Morrison, and Rucka got together with Giffen and Jurgens and probably a dozen other artists I can't remember and wrote a weekly comic book all this year. WEEKLY! And it took me over a year from concept to completion to get a 24 page Star Wars comic in to Jay at Happy Harbour comics. *Ahem* Color me embarrassed. Also color me delighted with this freakin' comic! I want to get 52 to make a baby with me right here on this e-page. Right now, 52, oh yeah!
Uh, since my live-in fiance will surely read this, here's a brief acknowledgement. I love you, Trisha.
And you're trapped now, baby! BWA-HA-HA!
Back to 52.
Don't like comics? Can't help you there.
Like comics but never read DC comics? Read 52. It's a great world overview for a newbie, since it takes place kind of in real time for a year where Superman, Wonder Woman and the Batman are unavailable and the world has to get saved by the B-list superheroes.
And I have come to love these superheroes. Plucky Animal Man, lost among the stars and desperate to see his wife and kids again. The android Red Tornado, on a junk heap in Australia. The Question, dying of cancer. Lex Luthor killing hundreds in his bid to hand superpowers to every person. Bad-ass biker Lobo gets religion. And Booster Gold, the superhero who stole his powers and abandoned his future for lucre and attention in our past, only to lose everything and everyone he cared about. John Irons fears for his niece's soul when she joins Luthor. And Ralph 'The Elongated Man' Dibny searches earth and heaven and worlds beyond worlds to be reuinted with his wife Sue (horribly killed in the recent Identity Crisis story).
I didn't buy it. I chose to wait for the trades because I was sure I'd buy them anyway and my generous co-worker and pal Carlos loaned them to me each month.
Today I read the last issue and was very very happy indeed. This was a minor masterpiece. I honored 52 and the folks who made it by purchasing a Booster Gold action figure to proudly add to the ranks of my household gods. I mean action figures.
Carlos tells me the Romans left little prayers and tributes of food for their household gods. I do this, too, but only if I'm eating while I'm looking at them.
So, yeah that's a good comic. Probably won't appeal to eveybody, but it does me. It's dark now and then but wouldn't likely be angsty enough for my friend Kirk, or sunny enough for my movie buddy Darryl, and Trisha would probably find it too comic-booky.
I'm trapped with her, too.
You know what's splendid? Not the Superfriends cartoon, sorry Carlos. Well, challenge of the Superfriends was better than that stuff with Zan and Jaina and god-help-me Gleek the Supermonkey.
No, what's splendid is Doctor Who. Just enjoyed 'Gridlocked' from season 3. That's a show that I'm not getting tired of, or depressed by.
No offense, but Torchwood, the Doctor Who spin-off is bleak with a capital BLEAK. Like Lost and Battlestar Galactica season 3 and most stuff I'm seeing lately. Bleak! Bleak the supermonkey. I'm desperate to see more hopeful, light, or funny and less torture, betrayal, and genocide.
Although I love Raines, of course. And I'm told House is good..., but why'd Fox cancel Andy Barker? And are they gonna put it on a DVD with the just-as-quickly-cancelled Andy Richter controls the universe? The Fox Carried It For Two Weeks Special Edition!
Anyrood, I'm off to watch must see t.v. My Name is Earl is very worthwhile, and if I wasn't an old, old man I'd stay up for Scrubs, too. I gotta wait for the DVD.

Now, don't be sad. Uncle Mikey promises to return and tell you all how he liked the Spider-Man movie this Sunday.
Because he WILL like it. Despite the reviews.
Mark Millar blows goats.
(I think I'm going to make that my sign off every time. Later! Mark Millar blows goats. Thanks Warren Ellis!)