VOTE NOW! VOTE OFTEN!

Yes, kids, it's that time of year again.  It's 3010 and the Legion of Super-Heroes needs a new leader!  A stalwart sentient to guide us into the new decade!  

No idea what I'm talking about?  That's o.k., too.  Just put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and surf the interwebs over to LegionElection.com.  Click on any brightly colored square with a picture of some damn superhero.  But WAIT!  There's more...

That I should live in such a time!  Paul Levitz back writing the Legion AND MY FIRST LEGION ELECTION!  Yes, I, THE READER can have a tiny say in what fictional character runs a fantasy league of aliens!  I feel more relevant than I did in my civic election of Slumlord A vs Slumlord B, and I CARE ten times more, too!  Sad, really.

But this isn't some phone-in campaign to kill Jason Todd the erstwhile Robin, oh no!  I'm part of a grand tradition since the days when kids wrote on paper and some poor schmo hand-delivered the results to Mort Weisinger.  Or something.

That's why I want to see the first NON-HUMANOID elected.  And if I'm not mistaken, the first extra-dimensional.  Also the first socialist!  I'm talking about Ti'julk Mr'asz of planet Vyrga, Universe-247, the insectoid teleporter also known as GATES.  

Created by Tom McCraw, Mark Waid, and Lee Moder in the fabled 1990's, Gates is the bug bolshevik drafted into the Legion by his hive-minded commie world of exoskeleton pinkos.  Ever since he's been preaching on the proletariat and championing the underbug.  I loved Gates from the moment he urged the (then all-humanoid) Legion "Good luck manning your teenage death squad!"  That's the guy I'm campaigning for right now.

Gates gets to see plenty of action as an interstellar shuttle-bus, and he's been spotted (with his beak closed for once) helping out in a soup kitchen, but never yet in a leadership role.  And no matter what you may think of Gates' politics, you can't let that Earth-first anti-alien xenophobe Kirt Niedrigh win!  That ding-a-ling shouldn't even be on the team!  'Reformed' my Eyeful Ethel!  No tolerance for the intolerant!  Also, and I shouldn't have to say this, attempted multiple murderer.  Torturer.  TURNED THE SUN RED!!!

Or vote one of those other fair-haired rapscallions.  They all have their good points.  Heck, if he was eligible you know I'd vote Matter-Eater Lad.  If you don't vote, the Dark Circle wins!

Vote with your hearts. But know, like me, your hearts want Gates.

Long-awaited Levitz Legion!

Today I plunked down my quatloos at Happy Harbor Comics for Legion of Super-Heroes #1, written by Paul Levitz and illustrated by Yildray Cinar. Check out my earlier posts for some Gushy McFanboy devoting a week to the Legion and their kooky adventures a thousand years hence.

So, here's the spoilers. Future! Planet exploding! Brainiac 5 STILL not getting a haircut!

Twenty years since his hundred-odd issue runs on various Legion titles in the seventies and eighties, and I'm excited to see Paul Levitz freed from the Phantom Zone and back in action like Lar 'Mon-El' Gand only less allergic to pencil lead!

This former DC President was responsible for much of modern Legion history and storytelling style. He brought us the Great Darkness Saga, weathered the First Crisis, and so much more.

Their Interlac looks a little rusty (page four's planet Titan Academy and Time Institute seem to be labelled 'ACACDEMY' & 'TIME INSTITUE') and convicted anti-alien bigot and murderer Earth-Man seems to be breaking the Legion code just by being a member, but I'll be a Korbal lightning beast if I don't look forward to next issue. (It's probably a Titanian dialect thing)

What just happened to Imra's kids? What on Oa is a Dyogene when it's squishing around at home like a floating blue slug? Who's Polar Boy's bed-friend on page 36? And how soon will Matter-Eater Lad and company be back from their 21st Century Espionage mission? Now?... Now?... How 'bout now?

Check out the ongoing Legion title for the current events of 3010, and ongoing Adventure Comics (also by Levitz) for some catch-up backstory, and discuss it all at dccomic.com message boards. Welcome to the future!

Love In the Year 3000

As the B-52's put it so well: We're in the spandex spiral vortex now.
I wracked my brains for things that make the Legion of Super-Heroes different, unique or special. And I came up with something I found kind of fascinating. Let's hope you do, too.
There are so many successful romantic pairings among the L.O.S.H. that I'm certain it holds the record for super-groups finding romance in the workplace.
The Justice League? Green Arrow and Black Canary, John Stewart and Vixen. Anyone know any others? I'm gonna say 2 couples.
The Fantastic Four? One couple.
Gen13? One couple. Unless Roxy and Grunge split up or somebody else got together. I haven't read any this century. Gail Simone's writing it... it's probably really good. Ahem. Off-topic.
The Avengers? Zero. Hank and Jan were a disaster. And Wanda and the Vision... oh, dear, no.
The X-Men? Zero. Sure, there's a million hook-ups and break-ups, but nothing sticks. Scott and Jean are hardly a success, nor, sadly, Kitty and Colossus who cannot seem to stay alive at the same time long enough to lock in...
No, sirree, hands down it is the Legion that is the clear winner here. In half an hour of mulling while I should've been working I tabulated 16 couples. And if I bothered to research it I guarantee you I'd find more. So here then,

THE TOP 7 SMOOCH-BUDDIES IN THE LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES

7. Drake 'Wildfire' Burroughs & Dawnstar- So he's a bodiless energy plasma kept in in human form only by a containment suit. So she's a winged Native American from space who may or may not be gay. Who says they can't make it work? Well, they never exactly have, but damn, if I don't keep rooting for them! It's a freebie, really, as they're constantly together but they're probably not a couple... yet. I'm looking at you, Paul Levitz. By the by, thanks for coming back!

6. Chuck 'Bouncing Boy' Taine & Luornu 'Duo Damsel' Durgo- Every fat guy who fantasizes about the good kind of three-way can see why this (couple? trio?) is here... Yes, (sigh), he's a beach ball and she splits in two, but I first met them as marrieds in Levitz's original run and that's always what they'll be to me. I think they're sweet, not just freaky-deaky.

5. Gim 'Colossal Boy' Allon & Yera 'Chameleon Girl' Allon- Unlike Johnny Storm, this guy knows a good shapeshifter when he marries one, and he knows not to let her get away. Of course, it probably helps that he is 'Colossal Boy'. Nudge, nudge. Say no more.

4. Shvaughn Erin & Jan 'Element Lad' Arrah- The reason I like them so much is a massive spoiler from L.O.S.H. #31, 1992, from Giffen and the Bierbaums. The spoiler is in the last paragraph here. For everybody else, it's a desperate love between a human and the last Trommian, and most importantly it stands the test of time. And maybe even dimensional reboots.

3. Thom 'Star Boy' Kallor & Nura 'Dream Girl' Nal- The bland Superboy rip-off from Xanthu and the flaky precognitive gal from Naltor dated, married, divorced, and, for all I know, got back together before a bad trip (through time) left him stranded and schizophrenic in the twenty-first century. Now, the addled but wonderful Star 'Man' of the Justice Society is on a quest that could well take him back to the future. Does his Dream Girl yet wait for him? Tell us, Geoff Johns!

2. Garth 'Lightning Lad' Ranzz & Imra 'Saturn Girl' Ardeen Ranzz- They rank highly for me because in at least one dimension they married AND reproduced. That's a hell of a feat in comics, as Peter and MJ Parker of the MC2 Universe may attest. Everybody knows you can't keep secrets from your telepathic wife, but there was a secret (spoiled in the sixth paragraph of the link at the end of this sentence) about Garth's long-ago resurrection which sure was an eye-opening surprise to me... Still, I don't mind if SHE doesn't mind. Oh, Proty. And there's a whole other tragedy (and spolier) in what Darkseid did with one of their twin babies...

1. Querl 'Brainiac 5' Dox & Kara 'Supergirl' Zor-El-
The last daughter of Krypton and the descendant of the monster with a hand in destroying it. IS there a better coupling for symbolic happy endings? Well, they're still free agents in most dimensions. But I like them together. Not least because this pairing made possible what I still vote as the best Legion appearance on TV, in 2006's Paul Dini-penned episode of Justice League Unlimited: 'Far From Home'. There have been other Legion cartoons, but so far, that one had the most heart.
L.O.S.H. isn't really a romance comic. There's a lot more attention devoted to prison breaks on planet Takron-Galtos or robot swarm invasions, but when it comes down to it the Legion looks more like a love-in than anywhere else in the capes-and-tights scene. And I'm enough of a softie (or Big Girl's Blouse as it is known overseas) to enjoy that sort of thing more than the fistfights.
As Steven Moffat would have it on 'Doctor Who', there's a whole lot of 'dancing' to be done in this big, wide cosmos of ours.
Or, to put it yet another way using the crudest of sweet sentiments from Kevin Smith, in his deeply romantic Clerks II; "It's called Interspecies Erotica, F@#ko."

My Favorite Characters: The Biter from Bismoll

This week being Legion of Super-Heroes week, I'm going to showcase my all-time favorite Legionnaire- Matter-Eater Lad.
I know, I know, but the thing of it is there seems to be an army of M-E Lad fans. Par example, this guy has a fantastic post in support of Tenzil Kem: the 30th Century's answer to Jughead Jones in space. I doubt Jerry Siegel and John Forte suspected what they had unleashed when they added him to the Legion's roster in 1962.
Thanks to a deadly microbe that poisoned the food of planet Bismoll, the inhabitants either evolved over eons or were bioengineered within a thousand years (depending on which reality you prefer) to eat ANYTHING. If it is solid and he can fit it between his harder-than-diamond teeth into his acidic digestive system, Tenzil Kem can devour it. In seemingly limitless quantities.
He apparently takes a lot of flak from people who think this is patently ludicrous.
Which it is.
See how he battled Atlanteans on holiday in Tom & Mary Bierbaum & Adam Hughes' 1993 story:
Tenzil Kem emerged from fevered Silver Age brains and chomped his merry way right into my heart. In a good way.
It is not easy to take Matter-Eater Lad seriously. And, this is critically important: you're not SUPPOSED to.
But what are the objections, after all? His power isn't that good? Frankly, eating ANYTHING is the BEST survival trait of all history. Ask the dinosaurs. Why else be afraid of a T-Rex?
You don't think it's so good on the offense? Ohhh, it's Offensive, all right.
And just think how much money you'd save on groceries if a handful of gravel was as palatable as popcorn!
Plus he can eat Kryptonite. Nuff said.
But really, I just love this guy's attitude. Fun-loving, masticating, skirt-chasing (o.k. so he's not exactly like Jughead) he's the funniest LOSHer and one of the best for morale. He brightened up the generally lackluster LOSH cartoon series for me immeasurably just by being there.
My utter favorite issue for Tenzil is LOSH#11, September 1990, by the Bierbaums, Keith Giffen, and Craig Brasfield. This occurs during a period where things are as bleak for the Legion and their realm as it ever got. Following a terrible interplanetary civil war (where two Legionnaires even fought each other on different sides of a brutal jungle skirmish) Earth's government has grown bloated and fascist, with the caste-obsessed alien Dominators behind the scenes conducting grisly human experiments. The Legion is wounded and scattered. The innocent Tornado Twins are publically executed. There is no hope in sight and month after month every issue was revealing how dark and depraved the future utopia had become.
Along comes Tenzil and he really gets to shine. He's been drafted into his government, hating every minute, and has funnelled his wealth and popularity into what could best be termed an 'Enhanced Reality Show' staring himself in outlandish adventures, as an archeologist, private eye, and well, action-lawyer.

His old Legion buddy Brek 'Polar Boy' Bannin has languished in prison for two years on charges of conspiracy, and Kem gets to free him with his greatest weapon: his mouth. Pleading diplomatic immunity, he becomes Brek's public defender and FILIBUSTERS his way to victory, improvising an air-tight case mostly by accident.
A single life saved, in the middle of all those horrors, and I don't think any other character would have been better suited to RULE that moment. Kem simply flabbergasts everyone and walks out with his friend. When any overt action would've called down swift and terrible reprisals, Matter-Eater Lad bests a lumbering beaurocracy at its own twisted game, at least partly by being Completely Unexpected.
I've read Mark Waid suggesting that one of the best things about being a LOSH fan is feeling like you found a character NO one else knows about. 'No one else loves Shrinking Violet or Element Lad but me.' Or so you get to think.
So for me and all the other M-E Lad fans, wherever you're hiding... ugh, this stuff I'm drinking tastes like old crankcase oil. Is it too much to ask for a pot of FRESH crankcase oil?

Happy Klordny!

I hope everyone's enjoying the festive Klordny season, I know I am! In fact, looking at my last post I think I might've had too much kono juice. That post took HOURS, and that was just to READ it! My ravings require a certain brevity I've never learned to cultivate, otherwise my week of praising the Legion of Super-Heroes will create more wordage than the 5 decades of the comic book itself.
So without further meandering preamble, I give you the
TOP FIVE TECHNICAL TRAPPINGS OF THE L.O.S.H.
How do you make a fantasy book into sci-fi? Add garnishes that sound like science. And the Legion excells at this, updating the pseudo-science to match the times. Here's my five favorites:

5. INTERLAC- It's a universal language from a thousand years in the future that caught on better than Esperanto- spoken on the many alien worlds of this comic. Written Interlac is a simple English cipher so if you have more free time than friends (or you just love puzzles) you can work out futuristic signage which often contains in-jokes from the artist. I love this. Impress and terrify your Hero Clix buds by learning it today!

4. TRANS-SUITS- Love to show off your snazzy cape and gloves ensemble but you don't want to explode in the vaccuum of space? How about the trans-suit? It's a nearly invisible layer of impervious saran-wrap that gives you protection from the elements while still keeping your togs on display. Who wants to see Phantom Girl covered up in an Apollo-style moon suit? Nobody, that's who.
3. TELEPATHIC EARPLUGS- Most of you speak Interlac and your native tongues, but who's going to hear you inside your trans-suit? Just pop in a telepathic earplug and tune in the right mental frequency: your surface thoughts become vocal for your teammates. Just don't think too hard about Phantom Girl if her super-strong boyfriend Ultra Boy is around.

2. EVOLUTION = SUPERPOWER- The Superman writers created the concept that moving someone from under a red sun to a under a yellow sun would give them new abilities. And the Legion writers ran with this AND HOW! Invent a bizarre environment or a color of solar radiation and, hey, BAZINGO!... you have the basis for a human colony that have gained a super-power. Such as Braal: it's a planet rich in heavy metals populated by a race of Magnetos (only less crazy by volume, and also Cosmic Boy and his 'magnetic eyes' existed 5 years before the X-Men's foe.) Or how rays from the rings of Saturn gave telepathy to the colonists on its moon, Titan. Hey presto- Saturn Girl and her foe, Saturn Queen. The triple suns of Cargg gave Luorno Durgo the powers of Triplicate Girl. On Winath nearly everyone is born a twin. Planet Daxam is populated by a Kryptonian offshoot people immune to Kryptonite but for whom lead is a deadly poison. And so on. Plenty of Legionaires got their powers in one-off accidents or mutations as well, but the environmental change for a whole race remains a good concept.

1. FLIGHT RINGS- Rings are resonant symbols. School rings, club rings, wedding rings... the one ring to rule them all. The rings of DC's characters are as ubiquitous as their overuse of monkeys. (Yeah, right, like you could over-use monkeys! I kid.) The Legion has a club ring that gives its members the power to fly. Created by Querl 'Brainiac 5' Dox to replace the jet packs and flight belts of earlier times, this anti-gravity metal bestows man's oldest dream on the wearer. Well, the oldest dream not involving Phantom Girl.

Of course, there's plenty of other pseudoscience and even (especially from Abnett and Lanning) cutting edge real science extrapolations. You Geeks (or the geek in your life) will find such things exciting. I didn't want to mention the Miracle Machine, as the guy who invented the Deus Ex Machina invented it first.
And that's it for today, Legion Lovers. Be well and celebrate Klordny according to your own traditions.

How Can I Join the Legion of Super-Heroes?

I enjoy being transported. Happily, not like criminals to Australia. Sadly, not like Dr. McCoy on Star Trek. But transported to an entirely new imaginary realm- especially of the futurey-looking kind. Such as that of the 51-years-young DC comic team: The Legion of Super-Heroes.
It has everything I love in a story; all the 7 'S's: Sci-Fi, Superheroes, Sexiness, Smarts, Surprises, and Sarcasm-Spiced Sweetness. I also adore alliteration, which is neither here nor there.
The LOSH started as a gimmick in a 1958 Superboy comic: what if there was a club for teenage alien super-heroes a thousand years in the future- and they wanted Superboy as a member? He wouldn't have to hide his secret identity from them, he'd finally have a place to belong, and THEY could pal around with their historical idol. So the LOSH kept showing up (in Action Comics, Adventure Comics, and the other Superman family of titles) to help Clark, or invite him along on an adventure in the future, then drop him back in Smallville that same afternoon. Over the years they became more than just a gimmick or deus ex machina, their membership growing to dozens, then dozens more, all from different planets with different powers and backstories. Their future was utopian, weird, and as wild as the strangest imaginations of some very strange DC writers. And it got so detailed, so space-operatic, so darn-right convoluted that it seeemingly alienated new readers. 'What are these pages full of spandez clad weirdies and why should I care?' DC had it re-launched over and over to try to start it fresh. That means there are (not counting the cartoon continuities) 6(?) different versions of the LOSH. There's the Pre-Crisis Legion from Otto Binder to Jim Shooter to Paul Levitz in the 50s through the 70s. The Post-Crisis Legion from Levitz & Keith Giffen and company. The short-lived magic war reality when Mordru and Glorith conquered the universe and changed everyone's histories. The Post-Zero Hour Legion reboot. The Post-Infinite Crisis reboot. And the Present version of the Future (which is possibly the same as the Past Post-Crisis?) Even listing them makes me sound crazier than Brainiac the First, stuffing cities into bottles.
So, assuming you WANT to read such a twisted space-epic, where would you start? My first exposure to the Legion was in an '80's John Byrne Superman comic which was in the process of removing Superboy from the Legion's backstory. They had chosen to erase Superboy altogether, which meant cutting the Legion adrift. It was like Hogwarts without Harry Potter to ground it in reality. I must admit- I had no idea who they were, what was going on, was intimidated by their sheer numbers, and too disinterested in a book labelled 'DC' to seek them out again for years.
Well, I might suggest my OWN jumping on point: the Great Darkness Saga. Late seventies, Paul Levitz writing, and some very cool grife hitting the radioactive fans. It's immediately gripping and it references the past without relying on it. Also, it's the farthest back normal people can afford to buy in single issues, or more recently as a trade.
Then again, it's not too expensive to shell out for the black and white showcase reprints, mostly by Otto Binder, probably. The fifties and sixties can be yours in all their crazy-ass Silver Age glory. Your benefit here if you can stomach the rambling and bizarre atomic age 'science' and goofy 'kiddie' stories is that the poor saps who didn't get their names on these things were CREATIVE with a capital C. New characters seemed to arrive by the handful every month and they're still the ones they use today. I like these, despite their limitations. I like starting at the beginning. The Superman and Flash and Green Lantern I read from this period seem somehow childish, repetitious, or worn out, but the LOSH feels clever and innovative to me. But I'm a guy who finds the Legion of Super-Pets kind of charming.
Or... if you want to jump aboard with no baggage at all, there's Mark Waid and Barry Kitson's 2005 reboot. It's just fantastic. This re-imagining supplies its own world, no backstories required, and benefits from the laser-sharp minds giving new spins to the old concepts. Like: Colossal Boy isn't a guy who can grow huge- he's from a race of giants and can shrink himself to a paltry six feet tall. He wants the others to call him 'Micro Lad'. One of the cooler concepts of this period is the conceit that the Legion is not just a club- it is literally LEGION. It is a rebellion tens of thousands strong, a galactic youth movement away from the overly insular, security and segregation-minded adults of the year 3005.
Mark Waid would've had you start with Jim Shooter's stories in the 60's which are also peachy keen, I suspect.
If none of these starting points appeal to you, the Geoff Johns stuff going on in Action Comics last year and Adventure Comics even as I yammer is typical Johns: that is to say mind-blowing. He makes it all seem brand new yet he never seems to throw the past away. I love his take (and Gary Frank's art) on the seminal moment of LOSH: when the 3 Legion founders (magnetic Cosmic Boy, electric Lightning Lad, and telepath Saturn Girl) meet Clark Kent for the first time.
It's not for everyone. Maybe part of the the fun of it is that all Legion fans 'come in alone' and either get swept up in an elaborate fantasy or give up the first time someone says Bgtzl. So everyone who finds it can feel like they were the first one there. So forget who introduced you, launch your time sphere into the vortex, and start (as the Buzzcocks sang) : 'Surfing on a wave of nostalgia for an age yet to come'.