Thursday, November 5, 2009

Love In the Year 3000

As the B-52's put it so well: We're in the spandex spiral vortex now.
I wracked my brains for things that make the Legion of Super-Heroes different, unique or special. And I came up with something I found kind of fascinating. Let's hope you do, too.
There are so many successful romantic pairings among the L.O.S.H. that I'm certain it holds the record for super-groups finding romance in the workplace.
The Justice League? Green Arrow and Black Canary, John Stewart and Vixen. Anyone know any others? I'm gonna say 2 couples.
The Fantastic Four? One couple.
Gen13? One couple. Unless Roxy and Grunge split up or somebody else got together. I haven't read any this century. Gail Simone's writing it... it's probably really good. Ahem. Off-topic.
The Avengers? Zero. Hank and Jan were a disaster. And Wanda and the Vision... oh, dear, no.
The X-Men? Zero. Sure, there's a million hook-ups and break-ups, but nothing sticks. Scott and Jean are hardly a success, nor, sadly, Kitty and Colossus who cannot seem to stay alive at the same time long enough to lock in...
No, sirree, hands down it is the Legion that is the clear winner here. In half an hour of mulling while I should've been working I tabulated 16 couples. And if I bothered to research it I guarantee you I'd find more. So here then,


7. Drake 'Wildfire' Burroughs & Dawnstar- So he's a bodiless energy plasma kept in in human form only by a containment suit. So she's a winged Native American from space who may or may not be gay. Who says they can't make it work? Well, they never exactly have, but damn, if I don't keep rooting for them! It's a freebie, really, as they're constantly together but they're probably not a couple... yet. I'm looking at you, Paul Levitz. By the by, thanks for coming back!

6. Chuck 'Bouncing Boy' Taine & Luornu 'Duo Damsel' Durgo- Every fat guy who fantasizes about the good kind of three-way can see why this (couple? trio?) is here... Yes, (sigh), he's a beach ball and she splits in two, but I first met them as marrieds in Levitz's original run and that's always what they'll be to me. I think they're sweet, not just freaky-deaky.

5. Gim 'Colossal Boy' Allon & Yera 'Chameleon Girl' Allon- Unlike Johnny Storm, this guy knows a good shapeshifter when he marries one, and he knows not to let her get away. Of course, it probably helps that he is 'Colossal Boy'. Nudge, nudge. Say no more.

4. Shvaughn Erin & Jan 'Element Lad' Arrah- The reason I like them so much is a massive spoiler from L.O.S.H. #31, 1992, from Giffen and the Bierbaums. The spoiler is in the last paragraph here. For everybody else, it's a desperate love between a human and the last Trommian, and most importantly it stands the test of time. And maybe even dimensional reboots.

3. Thom 'Star Boy' Kallor & Nura 'Dream Girl' Nal- The bland Superboy rip-off from Xanthu and the flaky precognitive gal from Naltor dated, married, divorced, and, for all I know, got back together before a bad trip (through time) left him stranded and schizophrenic in the twenty-first century. Now, the addled but wonderful Star 'Man' of the Justice Society is on a quest that could well take him back to the future. Does his Dream Girl yet wait for him? Tell us, Geoff Johns!

2. Garth 'Lightning Lad' Ranzz & Imra 'Saturn Girl' Ardeen Ranzz- They rank highly for me because in at least one dimension they married AND reproduced. That's a hell of a feat in comics, as Peter and MJ Parker of the MC2 Universe may attest. Everybody knows you can't keep secrets from your telepathic wife, but there was a secret (spoiled in the sixth paragraph of the link at the end of this sentence) about Garth's long-ago resurrection which sure was an eye-opening surprise to me... Still, I don't mind if SHE doesn't mind. Oh, Proty. And there's a whole other tragedy (and spolier) in what Darkseid did with one of their twin babies...

1. Querl 'Brainiac 5' Dox & Kara 'Supergirl' Zor-El-
The last daughter of Krypton and the descendant of the monster with a hand in destroying it. IS there a better coupling for symbolic happy endings? Well, they're still free agents in most dimensions. But I like them together. Not least because this pairing made possible what I still vote as the best Legion appearance on TV, in 2006's Paul Dini-penned episode of Justice League Unlimited: 'Far From Home'. There have been other Legion cartoons, but so far, that one had the most heart.
L.O.S.H. isn't really a romance comic. There's a lot more attention devoted to prison breaks on planet Takron-Galtos or robot swarm invasions, but when it comes down to it the Legion looks more like a love-in than anywhere else in the capes-and-tights scene. And I'm enough of a softie (or Big Girl's Blouse as it is known overseas) to enjoy that sort of thing more than the fistfights.
As Steven Moffat would have it on 'Doctor Who', there's a whole lot of 'dancing' to be done in this big, wide cosmos of ours.
Or, to put it yet another way using the crudest of sweet sentiments from Kevin Smith, in his deeply romantic Clerks II; "It's called Interspecies Erotica, F@#ko."


The Doc said...

Great post, Mike. Love, Legion-style. My personal favourite is Bouncing Boy and Triplicate Girl, but as you pointed out, there's plenty of couples to choose from. Can't wait to read more!

Brainy Pirate said...

What about Condo and Lyle???

Nikki said...

Thats a damn fine number one there. I'd agree with this entire list. Now DC has to get back on the Querl/Kara love train.

Brainy Pirate said...

Also: Mon and Shady???