Wild Wild Waste

I was warned away. I didn't heed.

And why should I? It's a comic book movie. I LIKE those, y'know?

JONAH HEX (2010) is quite terrible. Let's be extra fair here: I'm not a fan of the comic anyway. Unless scarred cowboy bounty hunter is paired up with 'time-traveling' and 'outer-space' I tend to think he's just the Punisher with spurs. (To be clear, I'm not a fan of the Punisher.)

That said, I've only read Jimmy Palmiotti's Jonah Hex, which was good storytelling in a genre that rarely wows me.

So while we're accumulating a little perspective on who I am, I'll add that I enjoyed the Wild Wild West movie, Pushing Daisies, and The Crow (somewhat). Mush those three things together, however, remove all sense of logic and all sense of humor, paste in Jonah Hex and you've got yourself a box office flop!

SPOILERS (like you care)

What horse would stand for side-mounted machine guns? AND not get immediately shot in the head when he inevitably starts bucking?

What person talking to John Malkovich's Quentin Turnbull character could fail to burst out laughing when his cowboy hat comes off and their eyes are drawn to that lustrous, curly... oh, what luck, here's a picture:

Now that's the face of a terrorista!

(Because casual mass-murdering revenant Hex, of course, is our hero. Don't forget now.)

Cringe at the tame but unappealing bedroom scene with a prostitute- that horrible face! Don't know how Hex could stand it. Of course, they've bonded over the fact that they're both drunks, mutterers, and dead inside, so awww!

Bored with the cotton gin, Eli Whitney apparently built a superweapon from cannonballs and the lost Pallantir of Sauron. How can Will Arnett be a part of this masterpiece and be given no jokes?

Soulless. Overburdened with effects, gimmicks, and exploding plot cul de sacs. Paint-by-numbers vengeance fantasy. And if that's what you like, it's all here.

The hell would I know? I still like Howard the Duck.