What The... What?

She-Hulk. Gorgeous. Hella strong. Wicked sense of humor. Write her seriously at your own peril: her best superpower is her defiance of pessimism. Write her as a monster at your own peril: at heart she's just a good little girl who never let herself dance.

I wanted to call this last post of She-Hulk week "Whither Shulkie?" for added classiness, but experience tells me it'll probably be more like "wither". Lately I just can't afford to keep up with comics. Was "The Last Defenders" good? Or "Savage She-Hulks #1"? Maybe "Girl Comics #1"? I dunno yet. I think Jen Walters is fairly likely to disappear: but then again, you can't REALLY kill a superhero unless you wound the concept so badly everyone loses interest and stops buying it.

Media exposure might help, although Shulkie on TV is sparse and embarrassing ('Enter The She-Hulk' might be a stellar porno title, but the cartoon is just NOT as fun as it sounds). In fact, the TV She-Hulk to beat so far is the 1981 Benny Hill sketch and the Dan Slott-penned 'The Cure' episode of 'Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes'. The latter is not only notable as Jenny's best TV showcase so far, but also the best TV appearance of Squirrel Girl, auditioning for the mighty Fantastic Four.

Maybe it's high time for a She-Hulk live-action MOVIE. There are, however, some minor stumbling blocks. Like, in my buddy Ron's words: 'Unfilmable', 'Impossible', and I'm pretty sure he said 'Garbage' at one point there. For my part, I see three obstacles:

1. Please, Internet, STOP saying Megan Fox for She-Hulk! I need you thinking less Vapid, more Clever and Funny. Think Zooey Deschanel on the one side of thirty, Tina Fey on the other, with the reminder that Jen Walters has usually been depicted in her thirties, and that Shulkie should probably be CG rather than human, crafted by the horniest artists our decadent society has to offer. Think Sigourney Weaver's Na'vi Avatar only curvier, and obviously, more green.

2. Don't just throw it together- have a damn script first. Don't filter it through a committee. Too many cooks and all that. Dear lords of Hollywood, spare the children from any more 'Catwoman', 'Elektra' or 'Superman Returns'!

3. Don't make the mistake nearly EVERY writer who tells a 'Savage She-Hulk' story seems to make. This IS a superhero comic, BUT IT IS NOT AN ACTION FLICK. Not foremost. She-Hulk is first and foremost a ROMANTIC COMEDY. That's what makes it unique. That's the genre where it pops. On paper...

Add those three points together and you've got a box office risk so big it will almost certainly never be taken. Right, Nick Cage? Right, Disney? Huh? I double dare you...?

I will, as usual, have to content myself with 'Iron Man 2' and MAYBE, SOMEDAY, FINALLY a She-Hulk feature-length cartoon? I just beg for one more like Gail Simone's 'Wonder Woman' than the most recent sucktacular 'Dr. Strange' flick or whatever. Sorry, Marvelites.

And speaking of Wonder Women, I figured out the answer to the question I posed myself on Monday: Why is the She-Hulk my favorite over the likes of Silver Surfer or Mary Marvel? I like so many of these great and good bastions of four-color righteousness, I do, and I guess it's because they are pure in heart. She-Hulk is many things. But I wouldn't call her pure!
And who IS, really? We WANT to be. We often TRY to be. But few of us get to be grown-ups without some tarnish. And although, say, Wonder Woman is a great heroine, (and in the William Moulton Marston 1940's characterization was even a little kinky; making with the bondage games) I've got to side with the She-Hulk for having the edge in... naughtiness.

To that end, if I may, next week (or quite soon) I'll post my amateurish 2003 opus "Untold Tales of She-Hulk" over at deviantart.com It's a sort of women-in-prison sexploitation romp, may John Byrne forgive me. The Comics Code Authority surely would- it's approximately as tame as Marsten's stuff, I think. And, hopefully, as fun. Remember: "DON'T MAKE SHOWERING SHE-HULK ANGRY..."
Speaking of forgiveness, a smart husband would probably keep 'The Other Woman' on the down-low. I'm not sure what kind of husband that makes ME... But, hey, don't worry, Sweetness! She-Hulk's only real in some other Dimension! There's no need to turn Green with envy... unless... Wait! That might be GOOD!
As ever, for my flesh-and-blood Giantess. Thank you thirty billion times, luv, for marrying me despite my glaringly obvious character flaws.

Supports, Lifts and Separates

The supporting characters are the staples that hold a comic book together. Or the glue, if you've got a trade paperback. Either way, a tribute now to the little people who've made She-Hulk the perpetually-on-the-verge-of-cancellation superheroine she is today.

Back in 'Savage She-Hulk' in the 1980's David Kraft designed a tepid love triangle when the newly hulkified lady simultaneously dated the card-carrying creep with the unfortunate moustache, 'Zapper' Ridge, and the self-loathing filthy hippie Richard Rory. Yeesh. Archie Andrews gets Betty and Veronica, and Jen had Zap and Rory? She made the right choice in the end: leave L.A. for New York and forget she ever met them.

Morris Walters and Louise Mason were supporting cast in 'Savage She-Hulk' and 'Sensational She-Hulk' respectively. Morris was the trigger-happy Sheriff Daddy who gets his exercise jumping to conclusions and hunting the green monster he thinks killed his daughter. Perfectly sensible, if you want She-Hulk to have a General Ross analogue chasing her so she can pointlessly do everything her famous cousin has done. Weezi was the former golden-age masked heroine Blonde Phantom, plucked from obscurity by Byrne and re-imagined as a silver-haired Angela Lansbury-style mentor who wanted to be Jen's sidekick and thus cheat death by becoming a comic book character again. Moe brought drama and pathos, Weezi brought comic relief and staggering concepts about the nature of faked reality. They were married off and vanished together once more from She-Hulk's life. For better or for worse.

Shulkie's time in the 'Avengers' cemented a fast friendship with Janet Van Dyne, the Wonderful Wasp, crying out for a super gal-pal since the early sixties. More so at that time, fresh out of the worst break-up in Marvel history. (Unless you retroactively count Gwen Stacey and Norman Osborn. Yeeeurgh!) Janny and Jenny, tall and small, on the loose in a mansion full of hunks to rate and date. Best friend Jan is dead now, of course. Dead as a comic book doornail. Expect her return from the grave in 2012.

'Secret Wars' gave us Titania, and 'She-Hulk' gave us Mallory Book. An arch-foe for work, and an arch-foe for play. Great characters, at least once Dan Slott wrote a backstory for Skeeter with some heart in it.

Howard the Duck and Awesome Andy- She-Hulk's soul siblings in funny book exile. Tough as nails on the outside, mushy romantics on the inside, oddball cult favorites who gravitate to the odd girl out.

'Fantastic Four' gave Jen a replacement family worthy of her greatness, and a handsome Indian chief with the best chemistry yet. Stan and Jack's burly buddy of John Storm, dusted off by Byrne, may mostly have been quiet man-candy but he could handle himself around superheroes, and I thought he was quite a catch for Jen, frankly. Still not sure why they broke up.

Luke Cage, John Jameson, Tony Stark, and Hercules: playing to modern portrayal of She-Hulk as a 'cape-chaser', she had one-night stands and one imploded quickie marriage with these famous superstuds. Wish Peter David had slowed down to tell me more about Herc, since banging him had been a long-term fantasy of Jen's and David just dispensed with it in a page where you blink and miss it. Of course, he ALSO didn't explain how Jen met Skrull Jarella, the thunder-stealing, focus-pulling lovelorn sidekick who couldn't die. (Couldn't die? Or WOULDN'T die?)

Speaking of thunder-stealing and focus-pulling, now we have Jen's semi-friendly niece and nephew from barbarian futures, and a cruel Red She-Hulk (or She-Rulk, if you like) here to snap her neck and take her place. Cause that's what Marvel does these days. (O.K., I'm being a bit alarmist, I kind of like Lyra.)

Last but never least, Ben Grimm. The ever lovin' blue-eyed Thing is the idol a' millions, and he has his own family, loves, concerns, and yet-to-be canceled comic. I've enjoyed the flirtatious dynamic between them in such diverse places as Marvel Two In One 88, the '90's Incredible Hulk cartoon, Thing/She-Hulk: The Long Night, and especially the filthy innuendo in Twisted Toyfare Theatre. Ben and Jen is not quite the forbidden-but-often-imagined Superman/Wonder Woman team-up, but I kind of like the idea of an ElseWhatIf World where orange and green Bennifer are shacking up.
Also, I'll settle for friends who let friends crash on their fancy Baxter Building couch.
It's probably safer.

My Favorite Characters: The Jade Giantess

Jennifer Sue Ann Walters. Lady Lawyer. Sexpot Superhero. Avenger, Defender, Liberator, and more. Yes, arguably Marvel Comics' finest female character, but it's undeniable: all the good names were already taken. Wonder Woman? Taken. Green Lantern? Taken. Captain Marvel? Taken a BUNCH of times! Can't be Catwoman. Sprite? Ariel? Shadowcat? Nope, not hardly. She had to settle for SHE-HULK.
Oh, don't get me wrong. She's a girl Hulk. So, it is PRACTICAL. It's just a name devoid of grace, elegance, and dignity.
But, what's in a name? Most of us don't get to choose them. You go with what works. At least you do if you're my favorite comic book superhero OF ALL TIME!
Obviously, I'm not the only one. It just seems like it when she's always getting canceled. Wonder Woman? She's at 600 issues. She-Hulk? Barely broke 100 if you fudge the numbers.
But plenty of people like her. Try shulkie.com. That dude Lingster clearly has great affection for her. (And disdain for Peter David's run on her title, which I wholeheartedly share, sadly.) Plus, Family Guy's Chris Griffin apparently LOVES She-Hulk. It's the sort of thing I learn doing half-assed Google searches for She-Hulk information I didn't have. And I used to think myself QUITE the She-Hulk buff. In the early noughties there was a period when I owned her every comic issue and guest appearance. In the saner days since (girlfriend and wife days, it must be admitted) I culled the issues from my collection that could best be described as shit-tacular (both She-Hulk and others). But I can bypass the list I was GOING to make of 8 better uses of my time with my pants on to bring you:

THE EIGHT GREATEST SHE-HULK STORIES:
(Why eight? Because that's how many fingers I have left with both thumbs up!)

8. Bill Mumy and Miguel Ferrer's Comet Man # 4-
It's only a cameo, but it's a real eye-opener.
(By eye-opener I mean shower scene. Perhaps I'm becoming a tad predictable? No, really. It's not easy to find in used bookstore bins, which are vanishing into the ether themselves, but it's pretty cool. Those guys should write more.)

7. Jeph Loeb & Frank Cho's Lady Liberators guest story in Hulk #7-9-
One of my bookstore co-workers pulled the issue with the LL standing on the Red Hulk and tagged it with the post-it note: "Marvel's idea of female empowerment". Well, yeah. It's a seventies homage. Heck, one day girls'll even get the VOTE! Kidding aside, Frank Cho and Jeph Loeb seem to remember how to have fun. Shulkie working her way down the list of superheroines to phone for help and the LL being the bottom of the proverbial barrel never fails to tickle my funny bone.

6. Dwayne McDuffie's She-Hulk: Ceremony graphic novels 1 & 2-
Something I read today makes me think there's a scene in this that caused John Byrne's departure from Shulkie's title between issue 8 and 31. If true, at least me Bizarro Mike got him Superman out of it! Boo! But whatever the dilemma caused by shaved legs, it was a romantic thrill with fine characterization, some thought behind it, and very sadly one of the last great moments in the Jen/Wyatt Wingfoot relationship. But, by hook or by editorial mandate, a girl's gotta run free! And I prefer to think if there were bits I didn't like, they weren't Dwayne McDuffie's fault. I like that guy!

5. Ty Templeton's Howard the Duck: Media Duckling-
I like THIS guy too. See earlier posts. When I met him I also got the Laurie B. She-Hulk drawing photographed for this post! Sweet! HTD:MD owes something to Steve Gerber's weird run on Sensational She-Hulk, which I admit wasn't my favorite, but c'mon, for every Nosferata the She-Bat it had a BALONEYVERSE! I'll let you guess which one I thought was funny and which one I thought was labored. Cause I don't know anymore.

4. John Byrne's Fantastic Four-
The birth of the modern Shulkie. Confident, sharp-witted, cuddlesome, occasionally sarcasti-bitch but never disappointing. I side with Scott Tipton of Comics 101 in the belief that Jen's time on this FF team was the best this comic had been since Stan and Jack.

3. John Byrne's Sensational She-Hulk trade paperback-
Covered in Comics 101's 2007 posts, nevertheless, it is a treasured part of my collection and they'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Does Byrne deserve three places on a list of 8? He deserves 4! Maybe someday he'll get to write more She-Hulk. A guy can dream, right?
2. John Byrne's Sensational She-Hulk 1-8, 31-50-
More or less. There's some filler. There's a lot of cheesecake. There is also some of the best funny book work of ALL TIME. In the best sense of the word funny. If the idea of a superheroine who has the power to KNOW she is a comic book character and manipulate her life accordingly doesn't appeal to you... you'll probably just read something else. But I think it's friggin' hilarious.

1. Dan Slott's She-Hulk All FIVE Trades-
Keep them close to your heart at all times to stop stray bullets! Jen's also got a brilliant cameo in Dan and Ty's Spider-Man/Human Torch #4.

By my tinfoil hat reckoning She-Hulk is 35 Marvel years old (for whatever that's worth in a universe where time slows down with every passing company-wide crossover) and they seem to be doing their level best to kill her and finally stamp out lighthearted, fun funnybooks in favor of a dour, grey morass of rain-soaked action scenes. Nice property you bought, there, Disney! Any chance of a She-Hulk movie?
No, I thought not.
See you kids tomorrow. Unless I'm trapped in the Baloneyverse.
(It's a universe made of old baloney.)

I Only Read She-Hulk for the Articles

From naughty librarians to lady lawyers eager to examine their briefs, I think it's universal: dudes dig smart chicks. I know my own admiration for the She-Hulk is focused entirely on her large, powerful, heaving brains.
So, taken from that perspective, this comic is VERY thought-provoking. Reading it is a deep, meaningful experience rife with well-considered messages on Jung's 'shadow side' of the human psyche. Is man inherently evil? Does it do more harm than good to suppress our rages and lusts? Is man merely an animal or instead a spiritual being capable of transcending his baser instincts?
Consider, too, the double standard of gender politics and the inequality still inherent in the relations between the sexes. Tony Stark might have a list of sexual conquests as long as his... arm and he's still a matinee idol. Give a similar checkered past to the She-Hulk and suddenly you've got people yelling 'Slut!'.
(I prefer the term 'Sexually Accessible' myself.)
Because sluts are BAD. Sluts are just... NAUGHTY. And I think it's pretty clear to everyone that She-Hulk is a GOOD GIRL.Is it her fault if a rocket engine blasts her pants off? Or that even unstable molecule costumes can rip in the most EMBARRASSING of places in the midst of an ordinary day's heroics?
It's just the job, that's all.
But men get too hung up on the whole Madonna/Whore angle. Real women tend towards the middle of that scale, neither unreachable perfection nor skanky trash.






In a genre and medium still rather dominated by male creators and readers, most of whom are very handsome, desirable, and brimming with confidence, it only makes sense that they would craft a female character so similar to themselves. Thus, there can occasionally be a danger of objectification, but entirely unintentionally, of course. After all, Wertham fought bravely to defend our minds against that kind of filth and impurity. Comics are safe as houses nowadays!Superheroine costumes NEED to be skimpy: it distracts the villains. That's just shrewd tactics, not cheesecake.
Also, Jen Walters being a shape shifter, she just normally has to deal with clothes that rip or slip. Wardrobe malfunction is a hazard of supernatural combat.
What fan service? Sometimes a gal just wants an all-over tan. Plus they don't make towels big enough for your average glamazon, do they? They're so dinky!
So if a grown woman feels like supplementing her income with a metal bikini photoshoot in a magma pool, who are we to stand in the way? That would be... wait, what's going on here?
I've lost all credibility, haven't I?

And Lo, There Came A Shulkie Week!

Long time readers may recall that I, Mike, have enormous affection bordering on a personality disorder for comic book super-heroine Jennifer 'She-Hulk' Walters. And it's the 30th Anniversary of She-Hulk's first appearance in 1980. YAY! So in the dwindling hopes of garnering as much attention as I apparently got on Legion Week back in November, I'm going to shoot for a post per weekday.
Most people (including my beloved and, let's face it, long-suffering wife) know that 5 posts will barely scratch the surface of how much I can blather on about this PARTICULAR topic. THE SENSATIONAL SHE-HULK.
Her story began in the very early eighties with one visionary and iconic man.Yes, Benjamin J. Hill, creator of the She-Hulk... oh, what? That doesn't count? Sorry, Marvel's legal department is beaming telepathic messages into my cortex suggesting that Stan Lee and John Buscema created She-Hulk in the very early 1980's. Go figure.
I'm pretty sure Stan and Jack created the Hulk, so I imagine Hill's estate's not getting any royalties. But I haven't done any research, so, who the hell knows?
Scott Tipton has a splendid blog history of She-Hulk's comic book appearances. Read them, they're undoubtedly better than mine.
In a nutshell, mousy Los Angelino lawyer Jen Walters is shot by gangsters while her cousin Bruce 'You May Remember Me As Television's Bill Bixby' Banner just HAPPENS to be in town and JUST HAPPENS to have the same blood type and it JUST SO HAPPENS to be gamma irradiated, and hey, presto: you have a green-skinned cash machine who (in theory) appeals to sex-starved teen boys (and roue Benny Hills of all ages) and 'newly' liberated roller-disco girls who, now that it is the eighties, are fully entitled to read comics, too, or at least do lines of coke off of them.
Shulkie's first series lasted longer than it really deserved because, well, 30 years ago they didn't cancel books just because they were terrible. (This tradition has declined in recent years but is ongoing.) The Jade Giantess even got a couple of trade paperbacks before the days when EVERYTHING was suddenly worthy of a trade paperback, and one of those may well have outsold Dazzler's! I kid you. The Disco Dazzler had about 50 issues, just like Jessica Drew's Spider-Woman. She-Hulk had 25. Then Jen did some crossovers, then she joined the Avengers. Tossed from writer to writer, each more confused and befuddled than the last, the Green Glamazon rocketed to recognition (or at least became slightly less obscure) when John Byrne made her a member of the Fantastic Four. Byrne apparently fell in deep and unsettling love with She-Hulk, made her much more vivacious, intelligent, and funny, got her a second, MUCH superior book. Paving the way for Steve Gerber, Dwayne McDuffie, and then some lesser lights who got to ride it into the ground again at issue 60.
All was silence for nigh on ten years. If the decades have a place reserved for them in hell, I hope the 1990's are on the very bottom.
She-Hulk never went entirely away but tended to be the muscle/eye-candy in the Avengers if you couldn't get the X-Gals or Carol Danvers. Then in the noughties, presumably for some kind of legal reason (?) they dusted poor Jenny off again, with some good parts in Busiek & Perez's Avengers, then Geoff Johns 'The Search for She-Hulk' storyline. 2005 saw much rejoicing (mostly by me) when She-Hulk's third volume was launched by Dan Slott. It was 100% worthy of the excessive praise I heaped upon it. Templeton, Loeb, Pak, Van Lente, Parker and others have served her well since. Depending on who was writing, she was strong and clever and sexy, or a mindless violent mess, or some kind of damn bounty hunter in a Torchwood rip-off. Depending on who was reading, she was a role model, Good Girl Art pin-up, silly parody or nothing whatever to write home about, and certainly nothing to keep buying. And if you're keeping score, that's 4 times a She-Hulk series got cancelled.
I cannot stress this point enough: THIS IS MY FAVORITE COMIC BOOK SUPERHERO.
Created by putting boobs on the Hulk so nobody else (except Benny Hill) could do it first. Created just after Girly Thor, Spider-Woman and Ms. Marvel and thankfully long before Wolverine-With-Boobs X-23.
Why, oh, why don't I have a sensible favorite superhero like the Silver Surfer or Mary Marvel? Man, oh, man, that would be SO much easier! But, no, I cannot in honesty deny my first comic book crush. And I do mean CRUSH!

My Favorite Comicbooks of the Noughties

Two days left in the decade, two blogs of favorites left to tell. Obviously, these last two posts had the most thought go into them, but they were also the hardest to winnow down to a scant eight (except music, music was a bitch as well).
Anyway, I wasn't a comic fan since birth, just since this decade and its stumbling, fumbling, often humbling comic book movies edged me over that way. Superheroes and sci-fi remain my main concern, so this list should surprise no-one. Anywhere. EVER.
I also want to give honorable mention, first to the artists I fail to mention in my top eight, you've done a bang-up job but I don't remember all your names. Also to Gail Simone- she's really damn great and this list came up something of a sausage-fest... sorry. Finally, to neglect them was like tearing out little bits of my soul, so to JSA, Star Wars: Tag & Bink Are Dead, Franklin Richards: Son Of A Genius, The Irredeemable Ant-Man, and every single Boom! Studios Comic I've ever read-- you all rock. And so, skipping the list I intended to make of my 8 favorite things Joe Quesada did to make me stop buying Spider-Man, here is:

THE TOP EIGHT COMICS (2000-2009)
(Why eight? That's how many fingers I have left with two thumbs up.)


8. Ultimate Spider-Man by Brian Bendis, Mark Bagley, & Stuart Immonen
Making the most of the Marvel movie audience, this comic revamped Spidey's origin and the events of his tumultuous 15th year. For a whole decade (and counting) it's been the only trade series I've bought consistently. Bendis deserves my praise for Daredevil, Alias, and Avengers as well.

7. Amazing Spider-Man by J. Michael Strazynski & John Romita Jr.
Trapped for decades in teenager mode, Spider-Man FINALLY had some stories where he acted like a grown-up. Mentoring and inspiring his students, patching the rifts with his wife, exploring his spiritual side, facing his mortality, sharing the truth of his dual life with his beloved Aunt May, and much more. Splendid art and mature storytelling highlight a series I may never be willing to buy again. (for full details, ask a Skrull named Joe Q.)
JRJR does a wonderful job on anything he's attached to, and JMS's Thor is also quite good. And considering how rarely I give a crap about Thor, that's saying something.

6. Strangers In Paradise by Terry Moore
Zounds! It isn't a superhero comic. It's on the list because it's charming, funny, romantic and sexy. I really have to buy this series and read it all, because there are times when superhero comics fail to have the answers to the questions that matter to me. Like the ineffability of the human heart and other poetic crap.

5. Invincible by Robert Kirkman & Cory Walker
I like everything I've read by Kirkman, no exaggeration of his talents is possible. From Marvel Team-Up to The Walking Dead he always does right by me and it's another series I need to buy and catch up on. There's an alien in it called Al the Alien. I'm really not doing it justice. Just read it, o.k.? Thanks.

4. Green Lantern by Geoff Johns
I wish I liked Hal Jordan more, because everything GJ has done for GL is awe-inspiring. I literally think Johns could start a religion with this 'emotional spectrum' jazz. From GL: Rebirth to the Sinestro Corps War to the astonishingly good Blackest Night I cannot gush enough. Sci-fi superheroics cleverly weaving stories from decades past into richer tapestries. Go, Geoff, go!

3. Legion of Superheroes by Mark Waid & Barry Kitson
They're a good team, Waid and Kitson. The Legion are also a good team.
See Legion Week or any Legion comic ever for details.

2. She-Hulk by Dan Slott, Ty Templeton, & Juan Bobillo
I don't buy as many comics as I want to. I can't afford it. And Marvel comics doesn't need my help anymore. They've got Disney. And Disney NEEDS to give me a She-Hulk movie. I don't ask for much. Just figure out how to expertly balance superheroics, legal drama, and comedy with a metatextual, metrosexual, werewolf-marrying, barfing-on-her-boss green supergal. Actually, considering how well superhero comedy has done historically I'm surprised this lasted as long as it did. Thanks, Dan & Ty.

1. 52 by Mark Waid, Greg Rucka, Grant Morrison, Geoff Johns, Keith Giffen et al
Bookmonkey said what needs to be said. As far as I'm concerned, this was the best thing superhero books did this decade: in terms of sheer output, art and writing quality combined to make something more than the sum of its parts. EVERY WEEK FOR A DAMN YEAR!

Thanks to these and so many others, I am a comic fanatic for life despite all the continuity screw-ups, cross-over convolutions, crazy-making cost per cover, and kooky Quesadas.
Make mine Comics!

The Perfect Panel Project #1

Hi y'all. I found a fine inaugural example of bite-size brilliance to share. Possibly because I have an enormous man-crush on Dan Slott, this comes from his 'She-Hulk Single Green Female' Trade paperback, illustrated by Juan Bobillo. The context: Jennifer 'She-Hulk' Walters has been asked by Captain America to move out of the Avengers mansion due to the physical and mental strain her partying caused Butler Jarvis and the building itself. Her friend Ben Grimm helps her carting her stuff into her new apartment, and Ben attempts to play matchmaker for Jen and her strapping neighbour, Gus. She is none too pleased with the situation, but Ben has some thoughts for her.

This is just spectacular.
It might just be the best Ben-Jen moment I've ever read. Better than Marvel 2in1 Vol.1,#88, JUN 1982's "Disaster At Diablo Reactor" by David Kraft, featuring their first encounter with She-Hulk rather shamelessly flirting and Ben embarrassed. Or drinking together in Byrne's 1984 Thing #8. Or his awkward substitution of her to the Fantastic Four when he doesn't return from the Secret Wars. Or the more awkward still FF#277 when he returns and finds Johnny's dating Ben's girl Alicia. (So they all think.) FF#299, Ben drunkenly flirts with Jen at possibly his most miserable after the Johnny-'Alicia' wedding. Ben is fun in SENSATIONAL SHE-HULK VOL.2,#39 MAY, 1992 "Date Worse than Death" also by Byrne. And they make a good team in THING & SHE-HULK: THE LONG NIGHT VOL.1,#1, MAY 2002 by Todd Dezago. There are probably loads of great examples but this one works best for me today.
I think what's so fun about this, apart from the simple but splendid art, is that it's a great role reversal. Generally, Ben is the Curmudgeon, while Jen is the Cheerleader. It puts a smile on my face to see the reverse can also be true.
Plus it's a great sentiment, no matter how cynically one snarks it: Life IS a great big adventure.

The Five Best Grown-Up Comics Superheroes

At the request of BookMonkey, (one of my most devoted blog followers!) hereinafter doth I decree a post of his choosing, and in honor of his upcoming birthday, and which quite engaged my imagination and assessment facilities.
I think the previous sentence proves that I've had too much sugar tonight.
Nevertheless, onward! My personal Five Favorite comic-book superheroes who are grown-ups, i.e. over thirty. I've given it some thought. It's no easy task. Spidey was nearly thirty when JMS wrote him, but not now. Quesada the Skrull says he's even younger than the 28 dictated by the logic of 'got his powers at 15' and '12 or 13 years since the FF got their powers'. But 30-ness is a state of mind, and anyone who'd sell their marriage to the devil doesn't deserve to be called 'a grown-up'.
Similarly, my great affection for the Legion, the Titans, Invincible, etc. does not win them a spot here, due to their perpetual youth. Booster Gold and Kyle "Green Lantern" Rayner are actually trying to be 30 lately, but probably still not grown-ups. More responsible, more stable, good progress, boys, but not quite.
Ben "The Thing" Grimm is, by my reckoning, 47, and yet despite all that Dan Slott did, Mark Millar just last month had Ben throw a sulk and leave his fiance at the altar 'for her own safety'. And bachelors-in-mourning Spidey, Namor, Daredevil, and Hulk all nodded solemnly and said they empathized with Ben's commitment cowardice. Of course, I had no affection for Debbie 'Invented Just to be Jilted' Green anyway, what with her NOT being Alicia Masters, but still. If Ben has any maturity in him it's not to be found recently. Perhaps new writer John Hickman will BRING BACK ALICIA BROAD HINT HIDDEN IN THE GIANT CAPITAL LETTERS.
So, without further ado, my favorite grown-up superheroes.

5- Clark "Superman" Kent- Beating out 51 year old sage Dr. Stephen Strange (the once arrogant but repentant Sorceror Supreme) is relative newcomer Superman. Few have heard of this mild-mannered landed immigrant from Metropolis with his funny cape and tights, but obscurity does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for a good-hearted, honourable, young husband with a steady job, many good and loyal friends, and semi-limitless alien powers. Good is the right word for him, and boy scout, too. He loves his wife and his parents, lives to be helpful, and generally flies on the sunny side of the street. Kind, unerringly brave, trustworthy, inspiring. And bearing up under a crushing loneliness by immersing himself in his adopted world with a smile and a thankful heart. I could do worse than Superman. But I don't. Siegel and Shuster's 1939 creation does DC proud, and with all apology to Bud Collyer, George Reeves, Christopher Reeve, Dean Cain, John Newton, Gerard Christopher, Tom Welling, and Brendon Routh I will probably always hear Tim Daly's voice when I read Superman.

4- Reed "Mister Fantastic" Richards- Central City, California lost a favored son when Reed moved to Earth-616 New York to start the first superhero group of the Mighty Marvel age of comics. Equal parts wise leader, loving husband, doting father and best friend, this stretchy stringbean scientist can't be beat- he's too springy and resilient. Expanding his mind even more than his rubbery limbs and body, I can't help but admire him for his smarts- and everyone in the Marvel Universe seems to agree. Except Doom, of course, but a man can be judged by his enemies as well as his splendid friends. Stan and Jack made a winner in 1961, brought to life by Mike Road, Beau Weaver, Hiro Kanagawa, and notably Ioan Gruffudd whose name I may have spelt right for the first time today. He's about 46 these days, but he was a grown-up even before he got his powers at 33. Responsible, methodical, conscientious, a man of science and familial devotion whose family is the family of man- and indeed the whole multiverse.

3- Patrick "Plastic Man" O'Brian aka Eel- Protecting the grimy streets of Gotham City is a legend, more myth than man, a detective with a dark secret past, a childlike sidekick, and... a groovy theme song by the Kinks? Created by Jack Cole in 1941, voiced in cartoon form by Michael Bell and Tom Kenny, 'Plas' is far more than he appears. DC's kooky shapeshifter, acquired from Quality comics, is best known for his playful antics, skirt-chasing, witty banter, money-grubbing... wait, was this a list of heroes? Of course it is. O'Brian may have started out a thief, a cad, and a bounder, but a gunshot and a vat of acid changed him forever. I find it illuminating that a very similar accident could have made a monster like the Joker, but the same painful circumstances helped 'Eel' turn his life around for the better. He masks an important trait with his frivolity- he's DEVOTED to his friends and family. He's over 3000 years old because he spent CENTURIES as crumbs on the ocean floor saving Aquaman. And though marriage has never seemed to be in the cards for Plastic Man, his Offspring is a flake off the old silly putty and I just have to give props to a good father.

2- Arthur- He lives in The City. He lives with the Tick. His super-hero name is the same as his given name. He's Arthur. Created by Ben Edlund in 1989, voiced by Mickey Dolenz and Rob Paulsen, performed in gleaming white Moth-Suit for too short a time by TV's David Burke, Arthur is just about the best sort of superhero a regular guy can be. Intelligent, sensible, kind, and flinchingly brave, (His battle-cry is 'NOT IN THE FACE!') I love Arthur. He's fiscally responsible, he conquers his own crippling shyness with girls and super-villains alike, and perhaps most importantly, he follows his dreams. Even the crime-fighting dreams that could result in having to have a machine to poop. And The Tick can't function without him- everyone needs a friend who's on a first name basis with Lucidity. I Arthur.

1- Jennifer "She-Hulk" Walters- I know, right? What a freaking surprise. Mike likes She-Hulk? I've never had an inkling of this. First two-dimensional crush, gateway super-hero, call her what you will, this mid-thirties lady lawyer and jade giantess is my fantasy-land number one. Conceived by Stan Lee and John Buscema (and probably Benny Hill) in 1979, it was hard to see her as anything but the glaringly obvious- She's the Hulk with Boobs. She was part of a trend of creative dearth: "Hey, anybody ever notice what a sausage-fest superhero comics are? How about a Girl Thor? A Spider-Chick? Anyone for Iron Woman?" Few people know what to do with Shulkie, how to write for her, how to get past the awful name, how to draw her looking like a female. John Byrne, Dan Slott, and a choice few others have found a way to the lovely, utterly endearing, wellspring of brilliance, wonder and joy. They found the answer for a character who could NOT be taken seriously. Just DON'T! This is not a character who can stand on the rooftop in the rain watching her humanity ebb away. This is feisty-ness. This is indomitability. This is the sensational. She's mockery, conscience, willful parody. She's all business, she's down-and-dirty, she's the heart of fun and the life of the party. She is woman, hear her laugh. And make Frank Cho draw her more.

For whatever reason, there AREN'T that many grown-ups in superhero comics. (The Justice Society notwithstanding) One way or another, the traits that make a man-child into a grown man (or green woman) are hard to uncover. Possibly no one who is buying such comics wants to get beyond the 'I'm a miserable mutant and I'm the only one who understands my pain and everything everyone everywhere sucks' stage. Or possibly the writers and editors THINK that's all we want. I've slogged through so many mediocre comics on my way to the terrible ones that I forget sometimes why I ever loved them. But projects like this one can reinforce my faith. Super-Heroes can show us the best parts of ourselves, and be something to aspire to. Thanks, BookMonkey. Perhaps you are a grown-up superhero, too. Happy Birthday.

Bring on the Fun!

It's the second day of a new year and having just endured a week of upper respiratory infection including fever, chills, racking coughs, a vile sore throat, the grim spectre of death reaching it's clammy hand toward my clammy throat, pushing me, pushing, ever nearer the DEADLY PRECIPICE.... dear lord, let death come swift...!
Seriously, this sucked.
And feeling like death from Dec. 26-Jan.1 notwithstanding, worse and longer than I've been sick I think in my life, this was still one of my better Christmases.
Not my favorite holiday.
And, as of now, better by two paragraphs than a year of writer's block.
I may or may not have mentioned that in 2007 I set myself the goal of writing the two novels that are stewing ever cold and moldier in my brainpan.
I failed. Then, for good measure, I failed again.
There is an upside. I wrote two comic books published at Happy Harbor Comics. One soon-to-be published, anyway.
This was good.
This was not my goal.
For whatever reason, best worth considering at length but perhaps not in this forum, I have not written what I wanted to write. I am almost as miserable about that as the airway infection.
And yet I somehow have the gall to finally be inspired to write something again:
AND IT'S A COMPLAINT ABOUT PETER DAVID'S WRITING!!?!
Where the hell to do I get off, for gosh sakes!
No really, where do I get off?
Not Peter David's last three issues of She-Hulk comics.
They're a little disappointing.
They're a little boring.
PETER.
DAVID.
SHE.
HULK.
This is my all-time favorite comic character and my all-time favorite comic writer. This should be a no-brainer, kids. Mike will be over the moon. GAH-RON-TEED!.
Mike is scratching his head and fretting the 2.50 a month.
WHAAAAA?
Why is the funniest She-Hulk comic this month Howard the Duck#3 by Templeton and Bobillo?
Where is David's funny? Where is his sexy?
BRING ME THE FUN!!!
Three months this comic has broken necks, bounty hunting, and barfights. I asked for none of these three 'b's. I'm talking 'bout bellowing guffaws, bon mots, and... well, buns and boobies but the art's just not there for me either, lately.
See, bounty hunters are assholes.
Boba Fett? Asshole.
Doawg? Asshole.
Actually, I'm just talking out mine. Bounty hunters are very cool right? Like Boba Fett. And Dawgg. Or whatever.
But bounty hunters (forgive me) in the only two examples I can think of, are not the brightest and best. She-Hulk is a lawyer. That worked fine since Stan created her. Also, David's first 3 issues are better than Stan's single issue of She-Hulk. Trying to remember, of course, that these men are my freakin' idols and comic book geniuses of the highest order.
Just riddle me this: IS Savage She-Hulk issue #1, Feb. 1980 Stan the Man's best work?
Are She-Hulk #22-24 Peter the Deity's best woik?
I SAY THEE NAY!
Why are my shorts in a bunch? I suppose my expectations were too high. I am a fantastically impatient man-child with little to no sense of my own reality. I like complaining.
All true.
But Mr. David has a Skrull character. I LOVE SKRULLS! Stan's best alien, swears I! Where's the harm? Two green bounty hunter gals hittin' on the bad guys n' drivin' a beat-up truck, taking green-tinted nude showers perchance, *ahem* but I've lost my train of thought... I mean, if you wanted to pair up She-Hulk and a Skrull it'd be Jen Walters and Lyja the Lazerfist, right? I mean, c'mon they've both been in the Fantastic Four. That's the green partner that makes the most sense. The only Skrull Jen has a good excuse to hang out with, really.
Jazinda? Who's Jazinda?
Why are you introducing a new Skrull?
Fine, my ol' pal Kirk reminds me editors make choices too. Maybe none of this is David's fault. Maybe an editor demanded Jen change jobs, cities, attitudes, friends, personality, and start sucking.
No seriously. FLAME ON! I'm calling it like it is! Why is this comic not enjoyable? Dan Slott should not be able to out write Peter David?!
But what was the last David thing I liked?
-Light and Darkness Saga volume one? Very bored
-1602- ending moved me, but to depression. (ie- last panel Watcher looking down unsympathetically on girl drowining alone. Yikes.)
-Last two Knight Life novels? Like, mortar bored.
-Captain Marvel when Captain Marvel kills his own infant son in his crib to prevent the tyke becoming Space Hitler, when in fact a dolt amateur like me thought all C.M. had to do was get his marvel-tubes tied or not bang Songbird or get an early abortion or ANY other not-killing-his-own-son choices? God damn that was a shitty thing to do! When Wonder Woman killed Max Lord I for the life of me still cannot come up with another option. Captain Marvel had tons of options AND IT WAS HIS BABY SON!
See, David did move me. He moved me to anger and discarding most of my Captain Marvels.
See, it turns out DC has a Captain Marvel much purer and you wouldn't write a story like that for him. No sir!
AWWW, Fudge.
I'm so angry, and it's probably mostly at myself.
If my writing idol has an off day, or an off year, how can I justify WRITING ANYTHING AT ALL!? 'cause if somebody so great can disappoint sometimes than how much MORE often am I going to blow serious written stink-balls? Every time? Yeah, probably.
Because David is GOOD. He's really, really good.
Sir Apropo? Good.
Young Justice? Good.
Maddrox? Star Trek? Crusade? B5? Space Cases? Good.
F.N. Spider-Man? Even that Uncle Ben, murderer bit P.D. thinks people hated? Really Good.
Everything ever? The guy is DAMN GOOD.
The Captain's Daughter made me weep. Seriously, I was a big girl's blouse. Well, at 17 I was a very scrawny girl's blouse.
Imzadi was brilliant. He made me care big "C" care, about Riker and Troi who let's face it were mild rip offs of Decker and Ilia (who face facts stanked up the place) and despite fine actors as Riker and Troi had never had writers at that point do their feelings justice.
There are so many more.
I think David's Star Trek annual #1 was the first Star Trek thing I ever read ever.
He is so darn brilliant. Prolific as hell. He seems so unbeatable but this comic...
Maybe it's the lead character herself.
Geoff Johns frakked She-Hulk up, too. The Avengers: Search for She-Hulk graphic novel:
She-Hulk claims for the first time in a twenty year history her transformations to the She-Hulk are based on fear, not rage. I could have throttled the man who would go on to write 'Infinite Crisis', for Odo's sake.
"'I'm Geoff Johns! I'm writing the Avengers! Mah, mah, I'm so great! She-Hulk the closest thing the Marvel Universe has to a respectable, strong female character and I gotta figure out what she's all about... ummm, Yeah, she's a scaredy cat!'"
Then Chuck 'Sucking's My Middle Name' Austen put her in bed with Juggernaut.
People, fellow nerds and dudes of deep feeling everywhere, please. Say it with me.
THE SHE-HULK IS NOT A FEMALE VERSION OF THE HULK.
SHE IS THE FEMALE OPPOSITE OF THE HULK.
Hulk is the wild, unsupressed rage of a small boy with deep emotional problems.
She-Hulk is the wild, unsupressed pleasure of a grown woman who kinda likes life.
If Hulk is powered by rage, She-Hulk is not powered by fear but, say it with me : LUST. Lust for life, as perhaps Iggy Pop said.

In fact, P.A.D. was the one who clued me into that determination, not in so many words but during his legendary run on Hulk he put an explanation for gamma radiation (the energy source of Hulks everywhere) into the mouth of character shrink Dr. Samson. Samson was giving a lecture on the effects of gamma rays and pointed out that the radiation unleased things people were holding in their heart of hearts. This meant that multiple-personality disorder anger issue boy Bruce Banner became the Hulk, but Samson himself and every other irradiated person manifested differently based on their innermost self. Emil Blonsky, filled with self-loathing became the hideous Abomination. Sam Sterns, desperate to overcome his lack of smarts, became the smartest evil genius around. Samson himself manifested the superhero he wished he was. And, Jen Walters, not mentioned in the presentation, I concluded had repressed her sexual energy and resulted in a very bombastic and debatably dangerously sexually liberated individual.
Not a fearful person. Not a weak person. But a woman who expressed her desires clearly, intelligently, and as much as possible, physically.
That's part of the difference between Jen and Bruce: how long can a regular person stay mad? Not very long. That's why (I surmise) Banner is always reverting to normal. Because even he can't stay perpetually enraged.
But She-Hulk can stay aroused and excited about life practically every hour of every day. She doesn't historically spend much time as her human self because she prefers to be Shulkie.
And that is a very appealing character for me. 'Lust for Life' Thanks, Iggy.

Or, if you prefer here's the 7 Deadly Gamma Ray Sins:
Wrath- The Hulk
Lust- The She-Hulk
Envy- The Leader
Greed- The Abomination
Pride- Doc Samson
Sloth/Gluttony- Hubert St. John (obscure John Byrne Hulk villain brought into play here because I really wasn't sure how to round out the analogy)

Maybe lustiness isn't a heroic emotional trait to most people.
Maybe that's why Johns decided she was powered by Fear.
There's no right or wrong, of course, I'm just entitled to my wacky opinion, but a super-strong sexually liberated woman character in a comic is kinda super-rare. DC's Wonder Woman used to have a sexy side, I'm told, but regular folks maybe prefer a preachy sexless statue.

Sex isn't the whole issue. But it's a factor. I personally recommend the return of Wyatt Wingfoot. He was a cool boyfriend for She-Hulk, but maybe stoic turns to shallow under a bad writer. Or was Wyatt a stereotype? I'm never sure about these things. More critical than a boyfriend for She-Hulk is a funnybone. I know the Civil War and World War Hulk were a bitch, but I don't demand lifelike realism in terms of a period of depression, mourning, some suicidal I wanna be a lone wolf bounty hunter moping or what have you. I wanna get back to fun.

I buy one comic from DC a month. Booster Gold. I stress the word comic. I'm talkin' Funny books. Granted, life, death, Joker crippling girls, yellow-fear armies, it's not quite what I expected either, but I'm lovin' it. It's intense, action-y, it's a little funny, and I hope it gets funnier. Or fun-er.

Same for Shulkie. I buy one Marvel comic a month, and it's the green gal. This is real basic, primary color stuff. In the words of Andrew W.k. WE WANT FUN!

I will learn patience, I swear. What David's got going for him now is I'm a desperate, writer's blocked pissant unworthy to ink David's socks.
That's why I'll still be buying She-Hulk next month, and you should, too.

At least until someone explains why it isn't more fun.