Raging Bullpen

I'm in the midst of the concert performances of Randy Mueller's "Dream King". It seems to be going o.k. I include here the text of a letter I e-mailed to the fine folks at Marvel comics' Spider office. As one who knows me might imagine, it's full of complainy. Enjoy. Or not.

Hiya, Mike McDevitt here.
This is my second letter to a comic. Because of fine writers and artists, an emphasis on sci-fi and comedy, and another factor, Marvel remains a cut above the competition in my view. Don't lose 'em! You see, I'm not sure I can take this lately. Millar's Reed Richards a fascist only McDuffie could redeem? David's writing a She-Hulk without a sense of humor? Strazynski's Spider-Man regressing instead of growing? A Spidey who deals with the devil? HEROES DON'T LET THE DEVIL WIN, GODDAMMIT! The Other & One More Day storylines (brilliantly written tales of love and death), left the bitter taste of Cop-Out which smacks of a DC-style reboot. I don't want another Heroes Reborn, do you?
C'mon! Pete without scars, experiences, and all that pesky True Love holding him back? F@#% THAT S***! I don't want young, single, seventies Spidey! Ultimate Spider-Man is top-notch for the young and young-at-heart. Ditto Marvel Adventures for the younger still. Let the Ultimate Universe be the trophy wife, and let the good ol' Marvel U KEEP GROWING UP! BE BRAVE. Be the first mainstream comic with heroes turning 30...40...50! Tell the titanic tale of Pete Parker's Prostate! Maybe not. But you limit the scope of your medium pandering only to the young and emotionally retarded. JMS tripled sales? But how? My guess is some of us liked the maturing Spidey. Pete had a birthday in one of those issues. It was a gem. It moved me and I faced my own 30th better after it. By behaving like an adult, Spidey helped ME in MY REAL LIFE.
I get it. I do. You hit a dilemma: young's been done and old won't sell. Steve Wacker's "old men in capes with girlfriends and permanent smiles" [I meant the DC superheroes. Mike 2009] are looking more appealing all the time because I'M HEADED THERE MYSELF. Except the cape...so far. The moral seems to be if being honest about who you are and having a family is too difficult, you should trade them away. Become a closeted, lawbreaking, layabout mooching off your aunt! That's the opposite of the Peter I want to admire and emulate. Still, Slott convinced me to stop baying for Aunt May's blood by having her working to be heroic. I enjoy it when (as in Hudlin's 'Wild Blue Yonder') May can save the day just by talking. It IS better for May and MJ not to revolve only around Pete. Still, we played "MJ and Pete break up" before and I hate it. Fix it. They should be together. Successful comic marriages are SO DAMN RARE.
Oh, hell, I can't stay mad at you guys! I'm buying anything Slott writes, aren't I? That McNiven draws good, too. And give PAD & JMS & BMB big kisses from me! Eye poke whoever up there thinks your characters shouldn't KEEP GROWING. (Except that 'Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius' which is pleasantly timeless, and that delightful 'Wolverine' who inspires all those shut-ins and nutcases.)
MAKE MINE MARVEL!
[Probably for good reason, Marvel never published it. But I stand by it still. Mike 2009]