Jupiter Ascending

Life being what it is, there are plenty of folks in dire circumstances. My own situation has been (as someone from China apparently said) "Interesting Times" lately. So you may take what I say with all the grains of salt on the moon of Io.

But Jupiter Ascending is a kick-ass romantic adventure and it's totally worth your time!

Whether it's worth your cash depends on your high level of tolerance for gorgeous, possibly extraneous amounts of lasers, space opera cliche, and handsome people saying ridiculous things betwixt explosions.

It's about Russian-Chicagoan janitor Jupiter Jones who discovers she is royal genetic heir to the Earth, which planet turns out to be a commodity the One Percent of the Galaxy are eager to begin fracking. Also Channing Tatum comes to her rescue a lot as Timber Wolf from the Legion of Super-Heroes with his handy-dandy rocket boots.

The poster says "Last Starfighter", Michael "Speed Racer" Giacchino's bombastic music says "Star Trek 2009", and the universe of partly Animal-Men (including D&D-style dragon men in leather jackets) says "Flash Gordon". It's not ground-breakingly feminist although it does pass the Bechdel test (I mean, seriously, Jupiter has to be rescued at the last minute from a loveless space marriage, but she does physically save her own space bacon more than I could). This popcorn flick is no "Guardians of the Galaxy", but it's a darn sight more fun than "Man of Steel" or "John Carter". And speaking of popcorn flicks, dire circumstances, and interstellar greed- $15 is officially nutballs for a salty corn bag and soda.

TV Review: Star Wars Rebels

Because I am secretly 12 years old in a 38-year-old body, I watch an inappropriate amount of the Disney XD channel. The Phineas and Ferb Star Wars Crossover got me hooked on that delightful little formulaic gem, while in recent days I've enjoyed a cartoon that needs none of my hype: Star Wars Rebels.

Think of SW:R as a dumbed-down Firefly for kids, but then again there are lots of times I hate using my vaunted brain and just want brightly coloured people and toys to run in circles and explode.

Plus I think executive producer Dave Filoni and Co. could do a lot worse than the highly creative Ralph McQuarrie art design for the setting: 5-years before Star Wars: A New Hope. Did I ever mention that I'm fond of Star Wars?

The tramp freighter Ghost is mobile home to a small assortment of brightly coloured space wizards who "redistribute" weapons and adorable Wookie slaves in opposition to the oppressive laws of the Evil Galactic Empire. Please do not pirate the DVDs.

My favourite episode of those aired so far was "Droids in Distress" by Greg "Snapper Carr" Weisman, producer and former writer on Kim Possible. It had some of everything: humour, lasers, great voice cast, appealing animation, Anthony "Never Not C-3PO" Daniels, and the robot bus driver from my favourite Disney attraction; Star Tours.

Anyway, since you're not already over-saturated with TV, you might like it. If you're twelve. Or slightly older.

Comic Review: Bitch Planet issue #1

Am I woman enough for Bitch Planet?

Well, I DO love sci-fi, Kelly Sue (Captain Marvel) DeConnick, and big naked ladies. So... Issue #1... Win!

What's it all about? An abusive patriarchy on Earth is exiling females to an
exo planet for "Non Compliance". Kind of "Orange is the New Black Hole".
Also, this is a reality show, maybe? Anyway, it's a heckuvan intriguing start.

If it's not clear from the incendiary title, this Image Comic is for mature readers, but they let ME have one for Three-Fiddy anyway! Valentine De Landro's art is stark and striking for a grim-looking future setting.

It's a weird sort of exodus, these outcast gals into the big black. Radicals and killers, volunteers (!?!) and, from context, very likely enthusiastic clerical errors. Who put this madness together... and why? "Caged and Enraged!" blares the cover. Is it all about grindhouse and the male gaze, or is it possible one might be better off getting light years away from the Planet of the Dicks?

Penny Rolle and Kamai Kogo are exciting protagonists, there is much mystery in the set-up, and one of the douchebag dudes pulling the strings is named Schiti. Tee hee! Can't wait to see what's brewing next month. A crossover title for the feminist and the discount old pervert alike. Make mine bitchy!

TV Review: Roughnecks Starship Troopers Chronicles

Ask not what your late '90's CGI military SF series can do for YOU...

Engaged in the obsessive goal of reading and watching everything Robert Heinlein spawned (even peripherally), I was excited to find "Roughnecks Starship Troopers Chronicles" on DVD at the used bookstore Wee Book Inn. And I finally finished watching it today, only 15 years late to the battlefront. One season with a gluttonous 36 episodes- not counting a whopping FOUR clip shows. Sweet Christmas, talk about overkill!

Entrenched in day 43 of the Interstellar Bug War, the space marines of SICON have seized and maintained a firm hold on Uncanny Valley. Seen here is psi-talented trooper Carl Jenkins, overcome with childlike glee...

Oh, my mistake, that's a Cybernetic Humanoid Assault System, or CHAS. This robot character was featured in the best episode of the series- "Of Flesh and Steel", making the ultimate sacrifice for the salvation of all Non-Bug-Kind...

No, sorry, right the first time. THIS is CHAS. That dead-eyed hobgoblin up there was Carl, all right.

Stiff, wooden, creatures from hell (and their foes, the bugs of Klendathu) battle across simulated ice, "water", jungle, and desert with all the sex and violence available to the impressionable North American youth of 1999 at 6 AM on a Saturday.

But, to its credit, this series is actually the first Starship Troopers product to fulfill my twisted desire for chronological completeness by finally mentioning that (in this flat little dimension at least) Rico and chums signed up to stomp arachnids in 2078. If only this trivia made the series better. O.K., so the campaigns have their moments... usually taken word-for-word from the first movie.

Wee Book will get this one back... if they are unwary enough to take it! Final Score from best to worst: ST the movie, ST: Invasion, ST the book, ST3, ST2, and, in fairness, I haven't found the eighties era anime adaptation yet, but it CAN'T possibly be worse than ST2.

The best I can say is that all the folks behind this forgettable, humourless toon were probably killing themselves making so much with so little. "Reboot" had it beat all hollow, but for someone with helmet-mounted nostalgia goggles on, it's probably fine... in teeny, tiny, firefry-sized doses.

Book Review: The Callahan Chronicals

Based on how often I post here, you'd think I had stopped reading and taken up some other hobby... such as drinking to excess. Incorrect!

The Thanksgiving season makes me thankful for the love of my life and the finest friends I could ask for. Without them I'd surely turn to boozy self-medication, which I'd otherwise regard as a deeply mistaken approach to problem solving.

Spider Robinson presents a sci-fi version of the place where everybody knows your name. Even if your name is Txffu Mpwfs, the world-destroying cyborg from the short story "The Guy With The Eyes". This weekend I finished the short-story collection of Mr. Robinson's: 'The Callahan Chronicals'. (I love the wrap-around cover! (Shown Here) It turns out there are only 6 characters I can't name on it. Five if the cat reaching for the cash is Pixel from Heinlein's 'The Cat Who Walks Through Walls'.)

Mr. Robinson is previously known to me peripherally as the guy who co-wrote 'Variable Star' with Robert Heinlein's ghost. Long-time readers of my blog will know that book very nearly topped the list of my favourite books of the noughties. My manager Chris gets a great big thank-you for loaning me some of Mr. Robinson's earliest books and magazines (including early printings of the Hugo winning Telempath and Stardancer stories). But Spider Robinson is arguably most famous for Callahan's Place, which spawned great fan love online as the Interwebs were first being spun, and that love continues today. The Place is the kindest, most psychologically sympathetic bar you've ever heard of. At Callahan's the wretched and the weird discover 'shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased'. I appreciate the bad jokes and the good intentions. This is some darn fine writing. I'm looking forward to continuing the series.

Oh, and if you have just under 4 minutes, here's Author/Music Man Spider Robinson performing his own The Drunkard's Song.

Book Review: STAR WARS A New Dawn

So! The Disney Corporation swallowed the Star Wars and Marvel film franchises whole- and all I got was this Darth Vader digital watch. But what else can I do? NOT watch all the stuff I like? There's every probability that the good folks at Disney can throw money and talent at things until they're good again. (Speaking of which, I don't remember why I didn't like Disney in the first place- ever seen 'Phineas and Ferb'? It's pretty great.)

Where was I? Yes. I had a great time watching 'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' and I have every expectation that I'll enjoy 'Star Wars: Rebels' this October. To that end, I borrowed 'Star Wars: A New Dawn' as a preview. This novel features an Evil Empire getting a foothold and beginning to seriously creep people out (about 8 years after Palpatine took the reins and everybody seemed o.k. with it- except for all those Jedi jerks he shot in the back to preserve the peace).

Hera Syndulla is a clever woman with a plan to put things right, and Kanan Jarrus is a tough guy who would rather nobody noticed him (just in case tough guys raised in religions starting with "J" are still being singled out as rancor chow). With the aid of a disgruntled Imperial snoop called Zaluna (a Sullustan who's easily my favourite character here), they team up with a paranoid explosives expert to break Murdock out of the asylum again and stop the crazy murdering middle-management cyborg Vidian before he shatters a moon in the name of efficiency.

Much praise to author John Jackson Miller. To be completely candid, I enjoyed Miller's 'Kenobi' more but the difference between 5 stars and 4 stars is only the difference between 'awesome' and 'really good'.

Also I see on his website that Mr. Miller wrote a Star Trek book, I should really check that out sometime, too.

Book Review: DOCTOR WHO Engines of War

Aww, yeah! I've been looking forward to a novel about the Last Great Time War since I first heard of it in 2005. What's the Last Great Time War, you ask? This probably isn't the blog for you! But, in a nutshell, it's the fictional many-fronted final genocidal planet-cracking time-warping battle to extinction between the mighty Time Lords and the hate-spewing Daleks.

Now with John Hurt!

I pre-ordered this book the very minute I saw the cover back in July. It arrived Monday. And I finished it just now. It takes place "4 centuries" into the Time War, one century into the unofficial ninth life of the Time Lord "renegade" formerly known as The Doctor, and shortly before the TV episode "The Day of The Doctor".

It's the story of Cinder, a girl from planet Moldox, a beautiful world fallen long since beneath the hovering heels of the cyborg Daleks. And it's the story of the choices of the crusty old alien Cinder teams up with to prevent the alternative reality mutants known as Skaro Degradations from their latest scheme to erase all other forms of life. With his own people willing to go to appalling lengths to end the war, our hero has no moral high ground and only his feelings to guide him. Especially his crustiness.

Author George Mann has a real ear for the dialogue of Doctor Who, and a ripping good action yarn it turned out to be. No complaints from me- this is a story with a cannon made out of moons!

So read it already!