TV Review: Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

For normal reasons, I've spent some time over the last two weeks watching a cartoon which apparently aired on NBC Saturday mornings 1981-1983: Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends. Or SMAHAF as the kids are never calling it these days.

Featuring the voices of Dan "Spidey" Gilvezan, Frank "Iceman" Welker, and introducing Kathy "Firestar" Garver. No, not Starfire, the Teen Titan! Wrong company. You tryin' ta get us sued? FIRESTAR! The Girl Who Was on Fire Class of 1981. Take that, Katniss!

Unable to use the Human Torch for the usual overwrought reasons ("My kids always douse themselves in gasoline and dive off the roof!") Peter Parker conveniently found a team-mate with BFF Johnny Storm's firepower plus the looks of Mary Jane. Talk about your amazing friend!

Although, in fairness, neither John Storm nor Mary Jane Watson may exist in what is now known to the Intelligentsia (I mean, the Hyper-Nerds) as Marvel Universe 8107. The cartoon dimension's rules only apply to itself, not the continuity of the mainstream comics (Universe 616, don't cha know).

It's a universe where Wolverine hails from Down Unda, where mutants glow and men chunda. Where Aunt May's boarding house is crammed full of secret, load-bearing escape tunnels and Tony Stark's donated super-computers. Possibly "on loan from Tony Stark" is also the reason The Chameleon has his own island, mansion, and swimming pool filled with alcohol (not for himself, you understand, but to trap and ignite the Sub-Mariner).

And the awards go to:

LEAST FAVOURITE EPISODE: 'Swarm'. See MOST IRRITATING NEW VILLAIN.

FAVOURITE EPISODE: 'The Origin of The Spider-Friends'. Has it all. Narrator Stan Lee. William Marshall as Iron Man. Bobby 'Iceman' Drake and Angelica 'Firestar' Jones holding handshakes uncomfortably long just to make Peter think he's feverish with chills.  And the Beetle: rocking the craziest voice in the world.

HONORABLE MENTION: 'Spidey Meets The Girl From Tomorrow'. This sweetly romantic little episode wants SO BADLY to be Silver Age DC Legion of Super-Heroes. Perhaps even more so than the subsequent episode: where the villain is clearly the Legion's cyborg enemy Tharok.

BEST SEASON: Season 2 is a mere 3 episodes long, and entirely made of origin stories, but the animation is markedly better. Spider-Friends GO FOR IT! (Actual catch-phrase.)

MOST IRRITATING NEW VILLAIN: Swarm. The 1950's-style alien insect invader smart enough to enslave a college campus but not smart enough to say anything but its own name. Over and over.

MOST IRRITATING NEW HERO: Francis "Wishing I Was Woody Allen" Byte AKA Videoman. News Flash: Playing Pac-Man and involuntarily transforming into an 8-Bit paper-thin goblin doth not a super-hero make.  Even if you do end up at the Xavier Academy despite no evidence that you are a mutant.

GREATEST BREAKOUT STAR: Ms. Lion. Angelica's Lhasa Apso, fobbed off on Aunt May the same way Videoman is fobbed off on Professor X. Ms. Lion saved the lives of her superhero pals several times over, despite being a lapdog of average intelligence. The puppy even outshines the All-Seeing Eye of the Vishanti, which in any normal dimension would prevent Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange from being duped. Ms. Lion, 30 years later, is a beloved member of the Pet Avengers, successfully making the transition from cartoon back to the comics that inspired it. Just like Firestar did! Except Firestar's in the actual Avengers. Not the Pet Avengers.  The Pet Avengers are PETS. Just saying.

Speaking of amazing, I gotta say I'm loving Netflix. Real life has never been so avoidable.

Movie Review: Rango

For a change of pace, my wife and I went to the cheap movie theater this weekend, and we had a blast! Trish's choice was inspired, let me tell y'all about it...

I was really impressed with Rango, one of those classic old CG cartoon animal western comedies with fantasy adventure quest elements. Yahoo! (Yes, I'm a giant child, but don't call Manchild Protective Services just yet: go see this movie first!)

These are stunningly rendered critters, beautiful in their hyper-realistically detailed repugnance. They're so fugly they've gone round to adorable again! The film brings to mind the anarchistic spirit of the Muppets, with twitchy anthropomorphic oddities clutching desperately to their dreams in a dust bowl town on the edge of collapse.

The voice cast is very talented and the 'emotion capture' unit outdid themselves- you'd have to see it to believe in it. I cared a great deal about the characters throughout, riveted to the tried and true tale but surprised a fair number of times, too.

There's a particular chase sequence towards the middle so SATURATED with sheer elaborate creativity that it overloaded my sense of wonder and delight.

It was amazing! And that's kind of rare for me at the movies, nowadays.

It's a bit on the violent side for a kid's movie, but... well, it serves the story. This is not a nice, safe situation this world is in, and it's not a sane, qualified bunch of folks who need to save it. It's a swift-moving action tale with a rollicking spirit and a lot of heart. Yeah, I'd see this again and I reckon I'd most likely buy it, too, sure as shootin'.

TV REVIEW: Generator Rex

Due to the seeming diminishment of new sci-fi TV, I roam farther afield to bring you news of possible merit.

Generator Rex is the latest teen sci-fi super-hero cartoon from "Man of Action", the team of dudes who created the lucrative Ben 10 series-es's. It tells the tale of a future time, 5 years after a horrible 'Event' unleashed tiny mechanisms into the atmosphere. These nanites now infuse every living thing, periodically causing random & drastic genetic changes. Those affected are known as EVOs (Exponentially Variegated Organisms). With one exception these mutants cannot control their abilities and/or have gone mad: Rex (Daryl Sabara).

In the footsteps of shape-shifters like Metamorpho, the T-1000, Star Trek's Odo, but mostly cyborg law enforcer Inspector Gadget, Rex can extrude massive, seemingly mechanical, appendages such as a helicopter backpack, piston powered jumping boots, grasping tongs or cutting shears. And, sometimes, his touch can cure other EVOs.

These abilities make him a prized commodity for Providence, the SHIELD-meets-Torchwood quasi-military agency tasked with saving civilization from rampaging science monsters.

Meet the lovely but no-nonsense Dr. Holiday (Grey DeLisle). And the laconic, no-nonsense be-suited swordsman Agent Six (Wally Kurth). Even the talking monkey Bobo (John DiMaggio) isn't especially pro-nonsense. And he has laser guns.

Somewhat unhelpfully, Teletoon ran the episodes out of sequence, episode 4 first, then 1 & 2. Fortunately, the show is very action-oriented, and not yet burdened with much back-story.

What happened during the Event? How did Rex lose his memory? What are the various oogey-boogey EVOs and clandestine shadowy figures up to next, most especially the head of Providence, White Knight (J.K. Simmons)?

Will the space police known as Plumbers (featured in Ben 10) stop by to help?

O.K., not too likely.

Based on the Image comic 'M.Rex' and very slickly animated, this is a better experience than your average episode of new 'V'. In the fickle world of TV, I give it 2 seasons.

Go, Team Venture!

The recent complete failure of my aged computer to recognise the 'turn on' button as meaningful only serves to remind me how very little I know about everything.

Rather like sham scientist Dr. Thaddeus 'Rusty' Venture in the darkly comic adventure cartoon 'The Venture Brothers' now in its fourth season.

Dr. Venture's primary skill sets include snide remarks and alcoholic self-pity, all the more shameful in a former boy adventure hero now pushing 50. His deceased father Jonas' acheivements outstripped modern conventional science but are now crumbling away unused in the Venture compound.

Beset by hordes of admittedly low-grade supervilains, Venture and his upsettingly naive sons would surely be long dead if not for the protection of stoic and vicious bodyguard Brock Sampson, and the grudgling friendships formed with several oddball superheroes.

Although it's hard to pin this cartoon down by genre (Saturday-Morning Retro-Futuristic Cross-Genre Satire?) and it's in NO WAY for kids under... say 33, it IS really, really fun. I especially enjoyed the third season, with its decreased attention paid to the travails of the young title characters and more spent on backstories and side tales featuring the ludicrous secondary types.

Such as Jefferson, the vampire hunter who only hunts 'blackulas' (you're on your own against Caucasian vampires). Or the inept Monarch and his new missus- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch (formerly Dr. Fiancee, formerly Dr. Girlfriend). The evil duo are hamstrung in their arch-foe efforts by their budget, their thematic but impractical butterfly costumes, and the bylaws of the Guild of Calamitous Intent.

I especially enjoy Henchmen 21 and 24, who I recently spotted at a nerd convention.

Foul-mouthed, occasionally disturbing, and often somewhat mean-spirited, it is still much less repellant than 'Drawn Together' and certainly much funnier.

So watch out for were-odiles, shield your eyes at all times, and never count on a robot called HELPER for anything. Go, Team Venture!

Toon Review: Thundercats

By the Eye of Thundera, Teletoon Retro is the final bastion of TV entertainment on Third Earth! Well, no, not really, but damn, do I love cartoons so. I recently saw 24 episodes of a Thundercats marathon. Not all in one sitting, but STILL. I apparently feel THIS is what I should do with my time. And now I get to waste yours, too! So be it!

Produced by Rankin/Bass in 1985 and for several years afterward, Thundercats is Saturday morning fantasy fare chronicling the adventures of a handful of humanoid felines; alien survivors of the crumbled planet Thundera. Perhaps fittingly for a cartoon about space cats, the head writer was Leo Starr. Well, I thought it was amusing. He also wrote Little Orphan Annie and Morbius the Living Vampire, apparently. Appropriate for a program that fluctuates in tone somewhere between sweet and horrifying.

Despite the bizarre premise, the episodes I saw were played almost entirely seriously, very rarely for laughs. Perhaps that was the only thing stopping this from becoming the mega-hit Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles soon would be. Still... four seasons, Marvel comics, awe-inspiring Halloween costumes, a CGI movie caught in limbo- somebody probably made out like a Plun-Darian mutant bandit!

It may do them too much credit to call them "characters", since the principal cast, charitably, are probably what my buddy Ron means when he says 'cartoonish' as though it was a bad thing.

Our hero is Lion-O, orphaned twelve-year-old prince-ling in a grown-up body thanks to the failure of his suspension capsule. He inherited the mystic Sword of Omens & is psychically guided by the spirit of a wise deceased warrior/scientist called Jaga. In other words, Lion-O is Luke Skywalker with a shaggy mane. I should say shaggy RED mane. NOW you won't mix them up.

Lion-O's fellow colonists on the strange world of Third Earth are brave, noble, stock types. Panthro is the gruff mechanic. Tigrra is the dashing architect. Cheetara is the speedy lady cat who hits things with sticks. Wilykit & Wilykat are inquisitive kids. And old Snarf "The Fierce" is the truculent house cat/tiny bearded dragon. They seek to build a mighty empire on their adopted world of Third Earth. If they (mostly Tigrra for some reason) can keep from being bamboozled, drugged, or stumbling into nets and deadly danger.

Like the Third Earth, this cartoon seems to have been made of little bits of everything else.

Like Superman, they were rocketed from their dying planet, with advanced technology, an ancestral guide, and inhuman powers to help them. Plus a pesky mineral from their home planet that weakens them (Thundranium, in case you're wondering.)

Like He-Man, they have a barbarian harness-y mode of dress, a life of unending quest and combat, and a skeletal sorcerer arch-foe who lives in a creepy ruined castle with his beast-men armies. Plus, they're very 'toyetic'! Although I, personally, skipped right over Thundercats, never seeing their show at the time and graduating directly from He-Man toys to Ghostbusters toys, I did get a Snarf one Christmas. (Heh. That sounds dirty.)

And like Star Wars... well, everything. The first ally made by the Thundercats is the Ewoks, oh, sorry, I mean the Ro-Bear Berbils, an agrarian tribe of helpful teddy bear droids who build them their Cat's Lair and spending the rest of the season getting captured and needing to be rescued. Frankly, between you and me, if I was one of only four males of my species with only one grown female between us, I'd be more in the mood to rescue the native girls than the teddy bears. But that's neither here nor there.

The animation is a jumbled mix of the very deft and striking and the very rushed and recycled. But what else can you expect if you make 65 episodes in one season! Snarf me!

It's all very silly and inconsequential, but even after 24 episodes I can't say it was getting easier to predict. Any given episode they might be rescuing unicorns from cyborg Vikings or in an undersea frog-mecha battling giant eels, or roaming back in time through the astral plane to free imprisoned alien wizards. Whatever Third Earth was, there was a LOT of it! It's either endearingly eclectic or just dizzying and annoyingly erratic.

Take, for example, the episode where the Thundercats discovered a cave that caused rapid aging, and a fountain of youth that could cure it. Cheetara's fleet feet could navigate both without consequence. So... nothing. When the immediate threat was over, nobody suggests Lion-O try to restore his true age. But... you guys just found the fabled well of immortality! You could... oh, never mind, there's space bounty hunters chasing trolls beyond the River of Despair, you'd better go hit them with sticks.

Would YOU like it? Are you a twelve-year old kid?

Do I like it? Yes.

As Marshall said of Ted on 'How I Met Your Mother', my heart is both drunk AND a kid.

Public Enemies DVD: The Bored & The Bland

Making a trio out of my two posts this week, one Superman themed, one Batman themed, here's one for BOTH. Back in 2003, Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness started a spectacular comic with a simple premise- get the World's Finest back together in a buddy-superhero comic for the 21st century. The resulting first six issues became the trade collection Superman/Batman: Public Enemies.
And is it very good.
I am not here to bash it.
Jeph Loeb may have written for Smallville but he also wrote Teen Wolf, Red Hulk, and S/B, so we're going to forgive him (by we I mean me, and by extension, you).
I am here primarily to bash (and not very hard mind you, I'm very tired) Superman/Batman: Public Enemies The Animated Movie.
Anyone who read my post/freakout over 'Green Lantern: First Flight' will know- I am not a patient man-child. I rushed out and bought it... and I felt ripped off.
I can't believe I did it again! I held off a month, but I went and bought this one, too.
Sight unseen.
I mean, it's based on a comic I really liked! It's from DC Animated universe producer Bruce Timm, and stars Tim Daly, Kevin Conroy, Clancy Brown, and CCH Pounder in their DCAU roles! That's gonna be worth it, right?
It's in the eye of the beholder, buuut... not exactly.
I dug the music. It's bombastic, exciting, great stuff. This is also a VERY well animated movie. They clearly worked their Korean fingers and computers down to the bone... and wires.
This is an action-packed movie.
But I am a very picky monkey.
I've watched it twice, re-read the source matierial, and I would say my biggest difficulty is
that Stan Berkowitz is given a writing credit.
Perhaps I would buy... editor? I mean, the plot is a pared-down version of the comic, the visuals and characters are from the comic, and when the dialogue is only occasionally memorable it is ONLY when it is a DIRECT QUOTE from the comic.
One of my favorite inspired gimmicks in the comic is the internal monologues of Bats (done in somber blue) and Supes (done in sunny yellow). They are buds, but they leave a lot unspoken, and what impressed me most was what Jeph figured they were thinking about each other- the good and bad, the misgivings and the gratefulness. Essentially the WHY of their friendship.
Totally excised! I was expecting at the very least a voice-over here and there to express that stuff... but as my pal Ron (who came up with this blog title, by the by) pointed out- the first thing to get cut in an action movie is the thinky stuff, the motivation, the chattery bits.
Damn you, Berkowitz! You did the same 'writing' on Darwyn Cooke's Justice League: New Frontier adaptation. That is- cutting stuff out and moving things around slightly, presumably so Cooke and Loeb didn't need to be paid as much??
It's not even Berk's fault. He worked on the 94 Spidey cartoon, Supes and Bats animated, Justice League, Legion of Superheroes, etc., etc.- and they ARE all very passable episodes. Run-of-the-mill stuff. Average stuff I didn't have to shell out 22 bucks for!
I really wanted to say good things about the voice cast: they do a credible job with nothing memorable to say. I REALLY wanted to like the supporting cast: Power Girl, Starfire, Black Lightning, CAPTAIN MARVEL for Shazam's sake!
But, for example, John C. McGinley, great actor, plays Metallo: HE ONLY HAS 3 LINES!
Since the Metallo-may-have-killed-the-Waynes sub-plot was excised along with the time-travel sub-plot, the Apokolips sub-plot, the motivations of the heroes Luthor has co-opted, Lois' interview, and dozens of minor characters it... (sigh) it all seems so trimmed that there's nothing left.
You just can't cut that much plot from a six-issue comic book!
On the flip side Black Lightning actually has 6 MORE words than he did in the comic. Instead of "ON IT!" he now shouts "I think I can put up a forcefield!" I didn't know that was Jefferson's power, but thanks for playing, LeVar Burton!
When Superman asks Captain Marvel "Would Solomon have gone to work for Luthor?" we are forced to remember that Billy a) WASN'T with Luthor in the comic and b) Would only work for Luthor if he had the Worm with the Mind of Hitler living in his ear! Geez! And just for the subtitle people: Captain Marvel does not say 'Shizam!'.
Don't worry about it. He's only been a cultural icon for almost a century.
Lastly, Allison Mack as Power Girl. Sweet Mosby. (Sigh) Look, I've got nothing against Smallville's Chloe. She has done the ABSOLUTE BEST WORK a human can do when asked to look small and sad for TEN YEARS!
Why would you make Power Girl, the most brassy, gutsy, bombastic, BIG (yes, those, too) supergal of the DC realm into a mopey indecisive milksop? They actually had to ADD dialogue to make her seem more fretful and cautious. In the comic, she takes absolutely ZERO convincing to quit drug-addled, purple-armor clad President Luthor for our daring duo.
Would YOU need convincing?
Seriously.
This dialogue- when Luthor snarls "I'm the president!" Supes 'quips' "Consider yourself (pause)"
My wife and I look at each other and chorus:
"...Impeached!" Punch.
Very Schwarzenegger.
This is not an awful movie. It is, however, mercilessly uninspired and unworthy of the source material, which, let's face it, was a popcorn comic in the first place.
Somehow I will find the strength to go on.
Mostly by looking forward to next week- my self-imposed Legion of Super-Heroes Klordny Week festival!!!