Things I Pretend To Notice: 2011 Book Round-Up

As the year draws to a close I am eager to pare down. No, not my middle-age paunch, but my expansive collection of DVDs and Books (the Paper DVDs)!

Sometimes when I try this, I discover I like everything I own and I want to let nothing go to trades or donations. And that's o.k., too. I can be that horrible junk-covered harridan from Jim Henson's 'Labyrinth' if I want.

I looked back at goodreads.com and discovered that (including super-short books like 'Go The F To Sleep' and Weird Al's 'When I Grow Up') I read 153 books this year. That's a lot for some people, a mere book snackwich for others.

I've never measured it before. I feel mildly disappointed and I wanted to mention five that felt like accomplishments or made a real impression.

5) 'Norstrilia' by Cordwainer Smith is a fun SF adventure tale. It simplified the way I define evil in my own head- suggesting that humans are only evil when they are bored or scared. That felt really true to me, you know? It makes evil feel like it can be fought.

4) 'Earth The Book' by John Stewart and Company was most amusing and reminds me how little I know about anything.

3) David Mack's 'Star Trek Destiny' trilogy, for better or worse, was so enjoyable I started an obsessive Star Trek reviewing project that derailed this very blog in favor of its sister blog and ate a DEVASTATING amount of my spare time since September. I'm... grateful? I guess? Damn it all to hell.

2) 'The Singularity is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology' by Ray Kurzweil did my noggin in. Turns out there's a way to be extremely optimistic about the future without belief in God's intervention. Or putting that aside, Science might be about to make everything a whole lot better for everybody, whether you believe in it or not.

1) 'Mort' by Terry Patchett. I owe my BFF Bookmonkey great thanks for the loan of the Discworld books, and this was my favourite so far. If that Singularity is never forthcoming, then I pray meeting Death will be for the best. Or good for a laugh.

The forests of the Vasta Nerada won't need to be leveled on my account- I'm sliding inexorably into a paperless reading experience that renders my "paper DVDs" quip meaningless...

I'm saying I am loving my birthday eReader, a gift from my sweet lady wife.

Peace, long life, and great reads to you all in your new year!

Movie Review: The Muppets

I saw it this afternoon in a virtually deserted theatre. A couple, a bearded singleton, a dad and his noisy, stomping tots. If I start with complaining ($14 dollars for parking!! My fingers ache! Aren't the Muppets dead?) it becomes apparent I'm pretty much both Statler and Waldorf already.

So thank you to everybody involved with "The Muppets" for dancing, singing, and smiling past my layers of crusty cynicism for a blast of fun. I needed that, and you guys and gals brought it.

Steve Whitmire- Kermit The Frog for the majority of my life. Brings nostalgia home hard and tender and tragic and beautiful. Always a romantic, always a dreamer, and always forced to be the realist in a barnyard crapstorm of chaos. Will Kermit carry the day?

Jason Segel & Amy Adams- adorable as Gary and Mary. Will their love survive... The Muppet Show?

Bret McKenzie- my fellow 35 year old, whose music, as always, is sheer delight. Is he Man, or is he Muppet?

Dave Goelz- still my favourite Not-Much-Like-a-Turkey alien.

Rashida Jones- the straight-shooting CDE TV executive Veronica whose ratings charts prove you can't go home again. Are you going to finish that latte?

Chris Cooper- evil Tex Richman, humorless oil tycoon. Is it as thankless job as it looks to be scary standing next to Uncle Deadly?

And Peter Linz- who plays Walter, the Anything Muppet in the midst of realizing himself.

Walter is the Muppet's biggest fan (for all the good it does him) and his love and devotion may be all that can bring the floundering Muppets together again. Can they find a celebrity to raise them from obscurity and raise $10 million to save their derelict theatre?

And why does nobody ever notice Hobo Joe?

To the most salient question: can devoted fans of the original cast see their way clear to accepting the newbies? I think some will. Gene Roddenberry's dead but the Star Trek reboot film was deservedly successful. Though the Muppets are even more the emotional brainchild of Jim Henson's toil, and though his too-early death was deeply tragic, I see no reason to bury the Muppets with him like some tyrant Pharaoh's powerless slaves. Jason Segel's story CLEARLY comes from a place of great veneration and love. I hope he makes a mint, because it's obvious the man loves these ping-pong balls on socks like the beloved characters they are to so many.

The biggest coup will be somehow pleasing that wide, jaded middle ground between the tykes and the aged. I'm not sure this film will work for everyone. But it sure does for me. I laughed out loud. I cried a little. I clapped. It was like a (kind of) torture.

When my wife returns from her adventures in the city where they filmed it, I hope we can see it together. To paraphrase the small green one: She makes me happy, now and forever.

Movie Review: Tower Heist

It's a lazy Sunday, and if you have nothing to do but set your clocks back, why not see a great little comedy?

I saw a preview of Tower Heist with my wife and friends recently and enjoyed it so much more than I expected to from the so-so trailer I saw.

Ben Stiller plays a genuinely nice guy, a fastidious building manager who finds himself hatching a scheme to rob the secretly cruel despot Alan Alda and repay the poor serfs who toil beneath his penthouse.

Eddie Murphy is a riot as the more practical thief Stiller bails out to assist him.

Lots of laughs, some of my favourites came from sad-sack laid-off Matthew Broderick and safe-cracking, wise-cracking Gabourey Sidibe. And I'm impressed as ever by Tea Leoni. You know what? Great work all around.

It's a mark of distinction for me how loudly I heard my wife laughing throughout.

Please see a fine review at WISDOM OF BOOKMONKEY now.

Then treat yourself to a little comedy wish fulfillment from the emotional core that yearns for justice in matters of greed and brings us the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Do not give in to the desire to pirate the movie itself, despite the madcap robbery theme.

TV Review: Superboy, Episodes 1 & 2

1988 saw the 50th anniversary of the creation of DC Comics' famous character Superman, and (not coincidentally) the first season of "Superboy" the TV series. I recently traded away some used DVDs including Ben Affleck's 'Daredevil' when, during an enjoyable Rifftrax evening with my wife and our friends, I discovered it was not worth re-watching 'Daredevil' as much as I already have.

The upshot of which is: I traded for various possible treasures, including "Superboy" Season 1.

Maybe I'm not sure how to use the term upshot. Then again... all it has to be, to be worth my time, is better than the wretched, long-running, inexplicably popular TV series 'Smallville'.

This it achieved- six seconds into the opening credits. The lead actor is IN costume, FLYING, and by gum: he's SMILING. It's the cocky smile of a guy thinking 'hur, hur, I'm Superboy, and you're not' but you know what? That's what I'd be doing if was him. So there.

It's goofy, it's cheap-ass, and it makes 'Miami Vice' look like fine classic cinema. But I'll tell you what it has: Superboy. This is both good and bad. But nowhere near as bad as "Smallville'.

Alexander Salkind (who previously brought me the 1984 'Supergirl' movie as well as some movies normal people liked) presents this series, with character creation credit (and little else) going to Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. In this incarnation, young Clark Kent is attending the Siegel Journalism School at Shuster College in Shusterville, Florida. His classmates include T.J. White (Daily Planet's Perry White's nephew, duh!) and Lana Lang (Stacey Haiduk, whom I recall fondly from equally implausible adventures on "SeaQuest DSV" Season 1). Haiduk's performance is as far above the 'Smallville' Lana as the star Rao is above doomed planet Krypton. High nerd praise.

Also along for the ride is scheming bully Lex Luthor and his crony Leo. I have never seen Luthor portrayed as a golf-sweatered preppie douche canoe before, but it kind of works for him. (Actually, the actor's terrible so far but he might be the smarmiest Luthor I've ever seen. That should count for something, right?)

Finally, John Haymes Newton as Clark Kent/Superboy. Huh. So, it's possible to look surprisingly LIKE Tom Welling, while still possessing a modicum of talent. Good on you, sir!

Also, Newton and his wife earlier this year provided the voices of Clark Kent and Lois Lane in a minute-long cartoon I just enjoyed on youtube called 'Superman Classic'. Nice!

And that's my review. Nice. Call me crazy, but I like a Nice Superboy, not some perpetual mope. These early episodes were made Super-Cheap, so kidnapping crooks, a poorly-defined cursed jewel, leisurely car chases and a typically energetic '80's dance have to suffice instead of giant robot battles (which, face it, 'Smallville' never gave us either). The music, the dialog, both stories- were pretty darn hokey. It's a poor substitute for Supes in comic or cartoon form, where he shines best in my books. 'Superboy', at least the early episodes, is a warm, brightly coloured cheeselog. But it's got moxie in spades, chums!

TV Review: Terra Nova

I watched the pilot for 'Terra Nova' and the bottom line is: I have so few new SF choices I'm going to keep watching it. If I start to actively DISLIKE it... well, I'm never going to run out of cartoons and sitcoms, am I?

Chicago 2147 AD, a world on the verge of environmental collapse. Humanity is cut off from the sun and the moon and uh, oxygen. Perhaps oxygen deprivation helps explain some truly bizarre choices in this culture. The Shannons, Jim & Elizabeth, are a cop and a doctor who break the two-child law. Already blessed with demographically appealing Josh (15) and Maddie (13) they have kept Zoe (3) hidden until our story begins with government jackboots. Jim fights the Man and earns 6 years in jail.

Two years later, an exciting action-packed break out from future prison, followed by an action-packed break-in to The Tenth Pilgrimage. You see, Elizabeth and her legal kids were invited, Jim and Zoe were NOT. It's a voyage through a fracture in space-time to Terra Nova: a human colony 85 million years in the past. So, I gotta ask: apart from wanting to show us Jim is bad-ass, WHY?

Why split up families? What kind of colony doesn't want breeders? Why crowd your jails if you can dump your problem citizens down a time hole?

Well, it's a colony with problems, to be sure, and despite the dinosaurs outside the gates, most of them are human. Commander Nathaniel Taylor gives a speech about how greed, war, and ignorance destroyed their home. Now that it's a brand new beginning, he and all the other gun-toting soldiers have a second chance. My hypocrisy sense is tingling.

So, a splinter group with a nebulous agenda from the Sixth Pilgrimage are up to something, and they started their own gun-toting colony with uh... with blackjack... and hookers! Our group call them Sixers. To keep them distinct from Slashers, which are dinosaurs with sort of a certain slash-y quality.

I should mention that 'Primeval' spoiled me on what CGI creatures on a TV budget can look like, and these look a little... well, primitive.

While I'm picking nits, I should point out that if smarty-pants Maddy's dialog is to be believed, then the basis for believing this is a separate timeline from theirs (thus safe to step on butterflies in), is down to the fact that nobody in 2149 has yet found an 85 MILLION YEAR OLD basketball-sized probe. That's a hell of a supposition. Hey, they looked for it almost a month. Things to do, man!

"Control the Past, Control the Future." No shit, Sixer. How about, Save the Cheerleader, Save the World?

I'm a complainer, but I'm watching episode 2. I notice Star Trek veterans Rene Echevarria & Brannon Braga wrote it. Worth it? Sure, why not?

My Favourite Characters: His Heart is in His Head

Six parsecs past the Hydra-Centaurus Supercluster there's a purple sun shining on the rubble where a planet of highly evolved beings once lived. 25 years ago, in the month of Nathinganger, Melmac exploded, but the cosmos' loss was Earth's gain.

Former Orbit Guard Gordon Shumway entered our atmosphere at Mach 16 on September 22, 1986. Ten years and many hundreds of thousands of unusual meals, wild schemes, and uproarious wisecracks later, the U.S. government named him ambassador to Earth. Most just call him ALF.

Some aliens boast phenomenal powers, while ALF boasts.

Kal-El of Krypton may have laser eyes, but ALF has a voice that can stun anyone unconscious.

E.T. may have a healing touch, but ALF touches us all with the healing power of laughter.

Most people only remember ALF as that obnoxious puppet that ate cats. I remember how he hoarded lint and played bouillabaisseball. I remember how he was ashamed when he learned his parents were married BEFORE he was conceived. I remember how he spent hours on the phone urging Ronald Reagan to stop making nukes. I remember how he figured a tow truck was full of toes. I remember how he played Sancho Panza in dinner theatre on Melmac and encouraged others to be their best. If their best was making him a pie, then who was he to argue?

I love what ALF taught me about Certainty and The Truth. In episode 24, "Weird Science" ALF helps young Brian Tanner with a school report. Thanks to ALF, Brian is scoffed at for declaring the existence of two planets beyond Pluto. (This was 1987, Pluto WAS still a planet.) ALF, known to exaggerate the truth particularly when honesty isn't as funny, is blamed, but meant no harm: he's BEEN there. His Rand McNally Guide to the Stars shows 9 planets and a lot of little rocks including Dave, Alvin, and Alvin Heights.

I was raised with a lot of Certainty about the fundamental nature of life. I've found there may be more to The Truth than any one person can handle, and too much certitude can get in the way of new discoveries.

ALF is seen here with Paul Fusco, a human of little consequence.

Fusco claims ALF: The Movie is a likelihood, but where The Smurfs was undoubtedly awful, ALF will be undoubtedly awful and I will love it so.

Thanks, ALF, for being that terrible show that was MY terrible show.

Book Review: The Lost City of Z

** (2 stars out of 5)

I'm in a book club full of delightful nerds that meets at a reasonably priced local eatery each month, and this one was no exception. We read and discussed David Grann's 'The Lost City of Z'.

Non-fiction is not my usual read, and I wouldn't ever have explored this one on my own, but it's well-researched so I can't give it one star, even though I dearly want to. For me, it is a tenuous "O.K.".

LCoZ relates the tale of Col. Percy Fawcett, an ultra-manly jerk-off who vanished in the Amazon in the nineteen-twenties. He took his kid and about a hundred other people who went looking for them over the years with him to their horrible graves. Nice job, ass! Also, it's about the lost city he didn't find.

Spoilers: it's a mystery story that remains a mystery, and I really dislike that sort of thing. The only answers I got were: DON'T abandon your wife to hack your way through deadly bug-infested nothingness, DON'T enslave or genocide the locals, and El Dorado probably existed... but it was probably biodegradable.

I want to call this The Lost City of ZZZs- I fell asleep about a dozen times while reading it.

Since you are not me: why not? You're only going to lose your time, not your skin, sanity, or safety on a pointless quest for fortune and glory. If you're that interested, just watch Indiana Jones again... maybe the one with the aliens and nuclear explosion fridge and that Transformers kid.